Obviously, you need love to make marriage work. With few exceptions, everyone that gets married is in love. Of course there is the couple where, someone is trying to stay in the country by marrying a citizen. There are also marriages that result from a trip to Vegas and too many of those free mojitos. We will include other lapses in judgment in that second category. But for the most part love and marriage go hand in hand.
The problem is that there are different kinds of love. I can see this topic returning in future blogs. It is very important. Often the love which brings us together isn’t the kind that will keep us together. I love Burger King, but I wouldn’t want to live there. I think a big problem today is that we are programmed to view life with the “do what makes you feel good” philosophy. Everything is based on what you get out of something. How that new car with the pretty girl lying on it will make you feel in the driver’s seat. However, as in marriage, someday that car will need maintenance, the new car smell will be gone, and a ding or two will appear. Eventually you are programmed to just go out and get a new model. Yes, today that seems to go for marriage as well. This is why I think you have to be a certain type of person to have a successful marriage. You need to be unselfish. Sticking with the analogy, the person you have selected already has some bumps and dings. Are you ready to help them with those problems? Can you see yourself giving up your freedom to a life of helping/maintaining them? Does making them happy result in greater happiness for you? Are you willing to lose some individual battles in order to strengthen the relationship? If two people with that attitude get together there is a good chance for a successful marriage.
As an illustration, I got cancer when I was twenty-eight years old. They said it was probably the chemicals I was exposed to in the lab where I was working as a chemist. Eventually, I had to change my line of work. This was just as we were starting our family. Crystal was there for me every step of the way over those next five years. She was my rock. When we finally got the news that the experimental Chemo treatment had worked, we were elated. Soon after that, Crystal totally fell apart. She probably cried for the better part of two days. I had no idea how worried she had been. Apparently, she had talked to her mother for hours on end, her friends, pastor, etc. She had broken down any number of times without me knowing. She had managed to shelter me from any additional stress. That’s the kind of love I am talking about.
Crystal’s Corner
When we found out that Ron, who was one of the healthiest people I have ever met, had cancer, it was devastating. I was finally pregnant with our first daughter. I had had physical problems since before we were married. My chances of conceiving kept being reduced. God actually helped lead me to get pregnant. We were so happy. Then this happened. It was hard to be strong for Ron, but I did have God and a very good emotional support group made up of family, friends and the church family. The men in the church called me and also went to the hospital to see and encourage Ron. At this time he was working fulltime and going to school at night to get his MBA. The five year battle was rough on both of us, but our strength as a couple pulled us through it. We kept going to God for the answers and He delivered abundantly.