Viva la Difference

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Men and women are different. I know, Da! Well, I’m not talking about the obvious curves vs. Adam’s apple type of differences. I’m talking Mars vs. Venus, Waffles vs. Spaghetti, and yes I mean my man brain vs. hers. There is a lot of good information on the subject. I don’t profess to be an expert. However, where these differences relate to marriage, the rule is, first acknowledge the differences, then work together to adapt. If you do that you can turn a potential marriage buster into a strength. There is no magical formula, nor a universal procedure. Like anything where two people are involved, there is uncertainty. For example, if I told you men are bigger and stronger than women, you could probably think of some example where that isn’t true. In that case, who do you think would be the logical person to open the pickle jar? Whoever can do it the best of course (ego not withstanding).

Let me illustrate with a personal example. As with most women, Crystal uses more words than I do on a daily basis. In fact there are times when her ability to talk exceeds my ability to listen. You might say, I just go to a happy place. Early in our relationship this tendency caused some significant problems. It was even brought up in counseling. Today, however, we have adapted. I have learned to catch myself earlier and apologize when I drift off. Crystal has learned that I mean no disrespect and am not purposely ignoring her. Occasionally, she will switch topics or approach me later when I am less preoccupied/tired/etc. She has further realized that, if she wants an in depth discussion about how stupid the girls on “The Bachelor” are acting, she should talk to her daughters and not me.


In addition we use our tendencies to our advantage. If a job requires a single minded approach and possibly significant mechanical aptitude as in auto or home repairs I handle them. If however, a dogged persistence and an ability to out argue some well-trained autocratic drone and their three levels of supervision are required, well you guessed it. Crystal is the person for the job. In other words, because we have always cared more about making our relationship work than fighting for our way, we wind up both winning and are stronger as a unit. Just something to think about.

Category: Make Marriage Last

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