I’d like to begin by telling you, there is no such thing as puppy love. Love is love. It’s just as real at 14 as it is at 71. But that’s not what this blog is about.
I recently became aware of one of my grandson’s first bouts with a girlfriend. Naturally, nowadays, it was someone he met on the internet. It’s a semi-long-distance relationship, requiring driving, time and money. There is also some amount of parental conflict. Ah parents, what do they know about love.
Naturally, rather than embarrass my teenage grandson, by engaging him one on one, I choose to write about it here to a hundred friends, relatives and strangers. One thing I learned as a parent to occasionally rebellious teens is that, the direct approach is often the wrong approach. Lecturing rarely works. You need to try to relate to them. What I mean is, remind them that you are human too. While ways of meeting may change. Ways of communicating may change. Things like peer pressure, anxiety, and feelings are ageless. The “Inside Out” movies make that abundantly clear. See how many of that movie’s emotions you count in the rest of this blog.
Every young man wants to date. So why don’t they. I can only speak for myself. Sandy and I were somehow always dance partners during our mandatory 8th grade after school dance lessons. I even turned another girl down because I didn’t want to hurt Sandy’s feelings. I liked Sandy and could have easily asked her out Freshman year, at least to a sock hop (high school dance). Yes, that was a thing. Sandy was cute, but not swim suite model cute. I was afraid of judgement by peers and never asked.
Sophomore year I boldly asked a leather jacket wearing, though pimply, beauty to go out. Ann not only refused, but called me a name. That was it, girls were scary. I was too embarrassed and anxious to try again until senior year. On a band trip I sat next to a pretty flutist, Laura. We talked about school and a lot of subjects. When someone told me she was dating a wrestler, I was crushed. I couldn’t get out of bed the next day. That was true sadness, some anger and my one and only bout of ennui. How could I compete. Besides, I didn’t want to compete. I just wanted a girl to talk with, and eventually, maybe, kiss.
That was High School. So, girls don’t feel bad if you aren’t asked out. It’s not you, it’s us. But seriously, I also now know, I wasn’t ready. Of all of the dating couples I knew, and of whom I was so jealous, only one actually stayed a couple much past high school.
College went much better. I had several girls who were friends, and helped with my dating education. I also found that, if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. Thinking of it in baseball terms also helps. In the majors you hit 3 out of ten, you’re a star. I did better than that. The other key is getting to know them first. Focus on their needs and don’t be selfish. Plan dates you will both enjoy. Always be honest and respectful.
If you do all those things, joy will be the main emotion of your relationships. That’s what I would have told my grandson, if given the chance. Fortunately, he probably won’t read this, and will learn as I did, by trial and error. Maybe that’s as God intended.
UPDATE: I wrote this about six years ago and forgot about it. The grandson about whom this was written is engaged to that wonderful girl. The wedding is scheduled for November. Love is worth the wait.











