Marriage Memoir by Ron and Crystal Meinstein

            It is amazing to me how things change as you get older. Yesterday I spent about an hour reassuring one of our daughters that she was making all of the correct moves in her job and her life. She is just overwhelmed right now and can’t see the forest for the trees. What amazes me is that, once a rebellious teen, she now sees life for what it is: a continuum. At one point, a long time ago, I shared all of my best advice, even though at that time I was questioning a few “certainties” myself. I was certain she ignored me or let it go in one ear and out of the other. Today, however, I realize that she heard everything I said. What she needs now is reassurance. There are constants in life. There is good and bad. We need to focus on the good. There is only so much you can do in a day. That is all you can affect. Stop worrying, it’s counterproductive.

            Where did I get all of this wisdom? Much of it came from my parents. I didn’t know I was learning or that they were teaching. I remember one summer day when I was about twelve years old. My friends were all busy and I had nothing to do. My mom saw I was bored and was caught up on her housework. She suggested a bike ride. I had just learned how to make a fire in Boy Scouts and wanted to demonstrate. The Forest Preserves were a simple five to six mile ride. She was reluctant at first, but I talked her into it. I could always talk her into things.

            We rode through the neighborhood and passed my favorite store. It was the pet shop. It was wonderful. Not only did they have fish, puppies, kittens and lizards, but they had the city’s largest supply of penny candies. We had to stop for just a minute and about twenty cents worth of candy. You need your strength on a long trip, you know.

            We were now on the main street, 95^th street. It was four lanes at that time, so we had to be careful. We peddled and talked about anything and everything. About a mile before the forest preserves we got to the town of Hickory Hills. It was aptly named. The three hills were huge. I could have easily ridden my bike up and down without much trouble. Mom was a different story. She was always in great shape. But great shape is different at twelve and over forty. We walked the bikes and continued our conversation.

            Finally, we got to the woods and I demonstrated my fire starting technique. Mom seemed amazed. Although I now know that she probably learned the same trick younger than me in her youth in Germany.

            We got back home without incident. We both had a great time, although she complained a little about her sore legs. The point which I am skirting around is that I always had open lines of communications with my parents. I learned so much as I grew without knowing that’s what I was doing. I think it is great to have parents who care and to not have to make all of your own mistakes. It is nice to learn from those who care about you and then pass it on to those you care about. Thus the continuum and the chain is unbroken.

With a little luck my last winter picture of the year.

            For about the last week I’ve been battling a cold or maybe bronchitis. Crystal’s been spending most nights downstairs. She insists that my snoring keeps her awake. While I normally sleep like a baby, I totally believe her, since I my breathing has a little rattle during the day as well.  

            A couple of nights ago I woke up alone in my bed with a very scratchy throat. I couldn’t get back to sleep. I flipped on the light and began foraging for a cough lozenge on Crystal’s night stand. To my horror and dismay there was no lozenge to be found. As an afterthought I looked in my night stand. There it was, wrapped in its red spotted saran wrap covering. It was one of my mom’s hard strawberry candies. My kids know them. My grandkids know them. Whenever Mimi was around she would offer you a candy. As I sucked on the treat I thought about all of the times mom looked after my needs: all of the trips to the Doctor, her miraculous chicken soup, cool and hot rags as needed, and always perfect bedside manner. During my entire life she never stopped taking care of me. Every year at Christmas I could count on new socks and underwear.

            It’s now been a couple of years since Mimi’s left us. I am getting used to buying my own underwear and socks. As I suck on the candy I notice that it has indeed done the trick. My throat feels a little better and I can get back to sleep. I have no idea how one of her candies got into my drawer, except that somehow; she is still looking after me.

Crystal’s Corner: Chicken Soup

            Ron and I have both been blessed with moms who took care of us when we were sick.  My family seemed to get everything that was going around and illnesses of our own. My mom would make us tea, chicken noodle soup (usually from a can), pudding, Jell-O, etc.  But also she was very comforting and told us jokes to cheer us up.  My dad was also very caring and would go to the store if we needed something.

            Ron makes chicken soup from scratch when any one of us is sick. He even sends soup and other comfort foods to the girls when they are sick.  He will make potato soup for Michelle because that is her favorite.  My girls appreciate his cooking and some of my cooking more since they have lived away from home.  While in the past, they would complain about having to eat leftovers, now when they come over they ask me if we have any leftovers and would it be all right if they ate them.  Also, if they know that Ron is making something they really like they will call me and ask me to save some of it for them.

            Ron learned how to make French onion soup from a French chef in Chicago.  He made it for my parents and after that my mom told me “if he ever makes it again you better invite me over.”  She was always a big fan of his cooking.  My Dad loves to have us visit him; and usually Ron and I make a nice meal while we are there.  He always wants us to stay longer.  We leave him a plate for the next day which he appreciates.

            I think, in many ways, Ron and I were lucky because our moms did not work outside the home.  My mom started to teach quilting while I was in high school, but it was part time.  Some of her classes were in our kitchen so the quilting ladies became part of our lives too.   I stayed home most of the time with our children.  If I worked it was part time.  I think that they appreciate it now more than they did when they were growing up.  I was the mom at home and usually had their friends over as well, especially on snow days, or when their moms had to work.  I don’t know if it is the chicken soup that makes you well or the love of the person who makes you the soup; probably a little of both.

My footprints from a recent walk at Hilltop Golf Course

            We just came back from a trip with Ron’s Dad to Chicago.  He wanted to go back to his neighborhood in Oak Lawn (Ron’s boyhood neighborhood) and see his neighbors and friends.  Ron drove all the way the first day.  This wore me out a lot on the second day.  It was getting colder the longer we were there but for the most part the days were sunny.  It can be really cold in November in Chicago.  I remember freezing while my sister and I went trick or treating on Oct. 31.  We had to either wear our costumes under our coats or try to decorate our coats.   We were the cutest little gypsies for years.  It was our favorite costume and we always had enough odds and ends to put it together.

            Being in Oak Lawn and the Chicago area brings back many memories. I lived in the Chicago area until I was 20 years old and went away to Bradley University.  My parents had moved from the Roseland area when I was ten and lived in the city of Dolton, which wasn’t too far away. A lot of things had changed while I was growing up in Dolton.  The large fields full of prairie grass and trees and critters gave way to new houses and businesses.  Especially more fast food restaurants moved in.  I met Ron when I was a Junior at Bradley and then learned about Oak Lawn and his family history. He had been living there since he was five years old and most of the neighbors were there the whole time.  Some of them are still in the same houses.  He showed me all of the good places to eat there like the Oak Lawn Restaurant (still there) and nearby forest preserves. 

            What was interesting to me on this trip was how I realized that the whole time we were living as a married couple in the Chicago area we were always going to the forest preserves and parks.  We wanted to live in the country.  He hated the traffic, didn’t want to go downtown very much to plays or concerts or shopping.  I like plays and concerts, but didn’t like the traffic, the cost and the parking problems.  We did go many times with his mom and dad, especially after we had the girls.  Since we moved away in 1987 we visited a lot and the girls have a real sense of Chicago.  I am very glad of that.  I always liked the Art Institute and the library downtown. 

            I had gotten a job downtown Chicago right after college.  I was so brave and naïve back then.  It was good I was both.  I did meet some interesting people as I worked at different office jobs in the Loop.  I did spend time at the Art Institute for lunch on free Thursdays and at the library.  I walked to the train station (sometimes it was 12 blocks).  I took the train and then Ron would pick me up at the station after his work.  His job was near wherever we lived.  We only had one car which saved us money and put us together a lot.  I think that was difficult in some ways, but good for our marriage too.

            I am glad we took this trip. I really enjoyed talking to his neighbors and friends and eating at good restaurants.  It did bring back memories from my childhood.  My parents were always close to people in the neighborhood and had many friends – most of whom became my friends and mentors as well.  The people in your life do make a difference in your life.  You are who you are because of all of those influences.  Can you hear Frank Sinatra singing about Chicago in your head?  I can.

Crystal and Dad in side yard of Oak Lawn, Illinois house just prior to moving to Ohio in 2012