Ron, Author at Marriage Memoir by Ron and Crystal Meinstein

Blog Archives

What about the Book?

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

I know it’s been a while since I’ve given an update about our efforts to get “One Hundred Fifty Years of Marriage” published. Just so you know, we have not just been sitting around watching the grass grow. However, the grass has been growing very well. I think it’s the combination of abundant rain and sun shine. But that is beside the point! The point is the publishing industry is just nuts. You need an agent to talk to a publisher on your behalf. The agents are very limited. The traditional methods of publishing are changing as I write this. There is no good guide book for how to deal with the changing publishing world. Fortunately, I have Crystal. She reads articles, listens to webinars, and talks to people at her writer’s club. She tells me that, while a lot of other options exist, with E Books, self publishing, etc., we need to first build a platform. In the good old days the writer would just write the book. If you ask me that’s enough in itself. The agents and publisher would read an excerpt and decide whether to proceed with the publication. Today, apparently, you not only need to write the book, but provide a platform, or as I believe it to be, marketing plan. Finally you need to fine an agent willing to read and accept that plan. To me, on so many levels, this is just frustrating. It feels like I just invented sliced bread, and no one will stop cutting open their roll long enough to consider an easier approach. After all, who would want pre-sliced bread, when everyone has a knife?

All I have is a book about family, history, war, peace, love, marriage, and life in general. Who would want to read about that? Everyone! But that is not for me to decide. We will continue to build our platform. If you haven’t noticed, the web site is slowly evolving. We now have someone to help with our computer based media issues. I am also working on getting articles published in some periodicals, not to mention a second book. It’s all part of this platform building.

I guess the bottom line is that, Crystal and I believe in this project. We won’t give up. I believe this book will have a huge market, with best seller potential. The only question is, is anyone in the business smart enough to see it?

This is the full picture of the background picture on our site. It is from our Colorado trip a few years ago.

In case you haven’t noticed, there have been a few changes to the site lately. We are using a more professional theme, and check out the videos!

Category: About our Book and Writing

Rites of Passage in Deer Creek State Park

Posted on July 25, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

We recently took a three day trip to Dear Creek State Park. It is a really nice forested area just south of Columbus, Ohio. Dad paid for the adventure and accompanied Crystal, Lisa (our twenty-three year old) and me along with Liz, Brad and the four grandkids. Liz and Brad had to get back to work after a day and a half. They took the younger kids with them. The next day we decided to rent a motorized pontoon boat to explore the lake. We had a great time. From the shore, you really couldn’t get the full picture of how big and beautiful the lake was. We went from one end to the other. With a couple of stops, the whole trip took a little over an hour.

At one point, when we were in the middle of the lake, I had Keylan (14) and Jazymin (12) each take their turn at the helm. I knew this would be a new experience for them. Keylan had never even been on a boat larger than a row boat and neither had piloted a craft of any kind. While it was only for a couple minutes, it was, proudly, one of the first things included in their report to their parents later that evening.

All of this made me think about the many firsts we had with their mother and her sisters as they grew. Then I started thinking about my own experiences as I grew. As a parent or grandparent, these firsts seem like a simple part of growing up, but to the child, they are a rite of passage. It is a sign that someone, who you respect, trusts you and acknowledges that you are growing up. To us adults, at some point, we don’t need or want any more acknowledgements. Getting older, and having more responsibility, gets to be less fun at some point. But to the young, my advice is: just enjoy it. The memories will last a lifetime and will help you empathize with those younger as you grow “more experienced”.

Upon reflection, my first job was, and I can’t believe dad talked mom into it, was helping take down a local carnival. I was fourteen. Don’t tell dad. I had to lie about my age. I spent the whole night working with tools, under the supervision of the regular workers, taking down a Farris wheel and a roller coaster in the mall parking lot. Before this experience, I had never even stayed up all night. I remember, when the work was done, I went into the grocery store and got a quart of chocolate milt. I downed it in about thirty seconds. Nothing ever tasted so good or well deserved.

When I was sixteen, like most kids, I learned to drive. However, I hadn’t been paying attention when they explained that we were supposed to practice before taking the lessons after school. The other two students didn’t seem to have much trouble with their lesson, so I thought no big deal. We were parked on the side street behind the school when my turn finally arrived. I got behind the wheel, adjusted my mirror as instructed. Then the instructor told me to put the car in drive and step gently on the gas. Well that car was a Ford Mustang with a V-8. As I felt for the gas, the wheel started spinning and screeching like I was in a police show chase scene. The instructor grabbed the wheel and stepped on his break. After my explanation that I had never felt the gas pedal before that day and a five minute lecture, we tried again. I did substantially better.

Warning: Crystal Don’t Read Beyond This Point…Kidding

Then there was the first real kiss. I was eighteen and had just taken a girl from school, Debbie, on an all day ski trip. I took the whole day to teach her. Half of the day we spent on the bunny hill, the other half on the intermediate slopes. Like a gentleman, I drove her right to her front door expecting her to get out. Instead, she turned to me and said ‘thanks for today.’ Then she leaned toward me for a kiss. I wasn’t a kissing virgin so I kissed back. All of a sudden, and to my amazement, there was a second tongue in my mouth. Then she started doing this thing with her tongue. Again, I had never paid attention when the other kids talked about stuff like that. Debra, if you are reading this, I don’t know if I told you at the time. You are so very, very, welcome!

Here’s proof of Keylan driving the motor boat. Note the less than terrified passengers (dad, Crystal, Jazymin, and Lisa).

Category: Just for Fun Stories

The Challenge of Bike Riding (by Crystal)

Posted on July 11, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

When I was growing up in Chicago in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s I like to ride bikes. We had a red tricycle that was great to ride until I got old enough to graduate to a two wheeler with training wheels. I really didn’t want my dad to take off the training wheels because it helped me to balance. But eventually I learned to ride without them and made my way around the block. First I was just pushing with my feet touching the ground but then I got the hang of it. I didn’t have my own two wheel bike. My Dad made my brother a bike from a kit which he must have bought inexpensively. My parents knew many ways to cut corners and save money. My Dad would go to the Indiana sand dunes to get the sand for our sandbox. Nobody noticed that some of the sand was missing every year. We had no idea where the sand came from, but just enjoyed the sandbox under our large shady tree in the backyard. I think our sandbox was the most popular in the neighborhood or possibly it had something to do with my mother’s chocolate chip cookies.

I did ride my brother’s bike as often as I could get the chance. My sister got a nice girl’s bike when she was about 8 years old. It was pink and very nice. I don’t know why I didn’t have a bike, but it didn’t seem to be that important. Many of my friends had extra bikes that I could use when I rode with them. My brother eventually got a schwinn silver bike which was really great. He rode that bike all over the neighborhood.

I did get to ride an old red bike of my mom’s when I was older and taller. It was a very old bike that unfortunately would skip. What I mean is that I would be pushing the pedals but the chain wasn’t working so the bike was not moving forward. This is a good way to fall down and get hurt. Sometimes I would ride my brother’s first bike on the new cement which was laid at the end of our street. This was much smoother than the broken sidewalk in front of our house. This is where I would be pretending to practice for my future life in the circus. My cousin and I planned to join the circus as soon as we were 18 years old. She wanted to be on the trapeze, but I hadn’t decided yet so I had to practice all kinds of stunts to figure it out. I fell many times riding with no hands, standing up on the pedals, riding sidesaddle, etc. on that new cement. I usually went home black and blue and sore and sometimes, bleeding. My mom would ask me what happened, but I would just say I fell off accidentally. She didn’t know about the trees I climbed up in the prairies either.

When we lived in Dolton, my brother, who was about 12, got a paper route. I helped him roll the papers and load them into a basket on his bike. I think he still had the little bike then but I don’t really remember. My brother had a lot of health problems mainly with his left leg. So there came a time when he couldn’t do his paper route. My parents thought it was good for him to have this route even though it paid very little and was a lot of work. They decided that I should do his paper route while my brother was getting better. I don’t remember being asked exactly. It was more like, “Crystal , you are going to do Larry’s paper route until he is better.” My brother taught me all the places to go and how to throw the newspapers on the porches. Some houses you had to place them in a special place for the homeowner. Then I also had to collect every month. I didn’t mind it too much. I got use to it and I was earning money.

The day came when he was well enough to do the route, but I was not willing to give it up. So my parents contacted the paper to see if there was another route that he could do. There was and he got that route. Of course, we were still sharing a bike so we had to work that out as well. I got to know some of the people on my route pretty well and would visit with them when I collected for the paper. Also, I went to the newspaper deliverers huge picnic which was held at the park near our house. There were maybe 90 to 100 boys and three girls including me. That was fun too, but all the activities like throwing a softball as far as you could, were for the boys. The food was good and they had orange pop which I liked very much.

When I attended college I worked during the summers. One summer I had to walk six blocks to my job at the local high school in the morning, go home for lunch and then ride my brother’s old Schwinn bike three miles to the community college. I worked afternoons over there. This was quite exhausting. The route to the college included what was known as Sibley hill. Sibley hill was near my house on Sibley Blvd. It was not easy getting that large heavy Schwinn bike up that hill and then continue for three miles to the college. It was not a good summer for me. The jobs didn’t pay well and petered out before August. Also, Ron was 150 miles away, at Bradley, having a Huckleberry Finn summer with his friend and roommate George. They were swimming, berry picking, hiking and attending concerts and all kinds of events at Bradley University. He had a good part time job that paid well and was taking a class.

Ron has never been a good phone caller. He wants mainly just facts and only talks for about three minutes at a time. He wrote me letters about all the fun he was having with George and his friends who lived in Peoria, mostly girls. So I was struggling to say the least and ended up having major health problems, which required me to be in the hospital. I could say that it was all the walking, riding and stress that made me sick, but it probably was going to happen anyway.

More recently we had several old bikes in our garage for a long time here in the small town of Warsaw, Ohio. We hardly ever rode them because they had problems. We did buy a bike rack so we could take them to bike paths and other paved riding areas.

Ron decided to give away our bikes. Now he is looking for decent bikes for both of us. They have to be better than the old broken down bikes of my childhood. Maybe this time I will even have my own good bike which doesn’t skip.

Ok I couldn’t find a picture of Crystal on a bike, but this is a nice local picture of Amish Country. The Amish ride bikes.

Category: Past, Present and Future

Going Down Hill

Posted on July 1, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

Trust and understanding is at the heart of every successful marriage. Crystal and mine is no exception. In Crystal’s case, she trusts that I won’t usually do anything too stupid, but knows that I am a lot more, shall we say, adventurous than she is. She knew what she was getting. Whether rock climbing or skiing or hiking past the danger signs, I have always been a little willing to take calculated and sometimes not so calculated risks. The other day was no exception.

I had just finished my traditional post golf beer, at Hilltop Golf Course, when another member entered the clubhouse with the news. A tree had fallen, taking down power lines, and blocking the only road up the hill to the course. A storm was on the way and only a few golfers remained. There was no telling how long it would take for the power company to clear the road. A plan was devised. Anyone who was willing to take a chance could try to follow a couple of four wheel drive trucks across the golf course across an overgrown field to the small airstrip at the other end of the hill. From there, there was a paved road down to civilization.

This was one of those do and/or die decisions with an expiration time. With the storm on the horizon it was now or never. Once the heavy rain started, even the four wheel drives wouldn’t have been able to handle the mud. If I were smart, I might have left my car and gone down in one of the four wheel drive vehicles. However, the next day we were supposed to go to Crystal’s dad’s for a visit. Someone had to look in on him for a few days while Crystal’s brother and his wife were out of town.

The decision was made; and we started across the course. Hilltop is a beautiful course. Normally, I look around and admire it as I go. During this trip, however, I was just focused on following the two trucks and the van in front and on keeping at least two wheels on the cart path. One more truck was behind me; yet another reason not to get stuck. When we reached the end of the course, there was nothing but tall weeds and bushes. I took a deep breath when the first truck went up the small hill through the weeds. I waited for the van to clear the hill before I started. Years of driving experience had taught me that you want sufficient and consistent speed to maneuver obstacles. As I reached the top of the hill I was relieved to see a somewhat scruffy dirt access road on the other side. I continued to follow the van at a distance. My biggest area of focus was keeping my wheels from dropping into one of the many dips and holes in the road. One final little hill and there it was, the airstrip. By this time it had started to rain. Fortunately, the traction was still good. However, just ahead there was a three way fork in the road. The first appeared to go back toward the golf course. The second led right up to the runway only about a hundred yards ahead. The third was headed in the right direction, but you couldn’t see what was ahead. The first truck stopped. We waited for what seemed like ten minutes. I was at the top of the hill, and couldn’t tell if they were talking, or just flipping a coin. In my head I was thinking, go for the runway. I knew my little Honda could make that trip. Finally, we started up again. They went toward the unknown. I meekly followed. For a while the trail was fine. Then I stopped for a moment as I watched the three vehicles ahead disappear down a rather step downgrade into a hole in a dark forested area. If this wasn’t the right path there would be no way to back out. It was then I started to pray. Usually that was Crystal’s job when I was doing something questionable. Then I followed, slowly and carefully trying to stay on the road as bushes brushed both sides of my car simultaneously. I had lost sight of the other vehicles, and for a hundred yards or so felt very much alone. I was half expecting to see stalled taillights at any moment. Just as my car bottomed out, I saw the darkness break. As my Honda broke into the light, I was overjoyed to see an actual paved road and three vehicles ahead of me. Soon we were out and back to civilization. I knew my car had to be covered with dirt and mud, but I didn’t stop to look. As I started up state route 36, toward Warsaw and home, the light rain turned into an all out downpour. I had to drive at about twenty miles an hour to see anything. Ten minutes earlier and I would have been stuck. That one, I owe to God. Not only did I make it home with my car intact, but it was clean, and ready for the trip.

When I look back upon the experience, I can’t help but notice how similar it was to writing “One Hundred and Fifty Years of Marriage”. It too was quite a journey. From the interviews, to the writing, to the four or five edits of the manuscript, we learned a lot about our parents that we never knew. It was kind of like going up and down the hills I knew so well, but from a new perspective. Then we saw what was beyond those hills, new stories and different points of view. Finally, to shift gears to where we are now, staring into and entering the dark forest , not knowing if or where we will come out. We are now in the middle of our search for agents, publishers, and presses. We are on a new and very unfamiliar path. However, we take solace in the fact that there is a path, and we know the destination is close. You faithful readers will be among the first to experience with us, when we finally break from the darkness into the light. Like my little adventure, and life itself for that matter, sometimes you just have to take things one step at a time and enjoy the ride.

A less rainy day at Hilltop Golf Course

Category: Just for Fun Stories

BBQ Ribs are my Favorite

Posted on June 15, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

Today is Father’s Day of 2014 and we are going to one of my daughter’s apartments for a BBQ. This got me thinking about my favorite BBQ food, spare ribs. Since nostalgia is a big part of our book and this blog, I will take this opportunity to share how even a food can be fraught with memories.

Who doesn’t like really good BBQ baby back ribs? Well I am no exception. From the time I was able to eat solid food I think they have been my favorite main dish. Add some good baked beans and coleslaw and I can imagine what heaven is like. Now that I’m sixty and watching my boyish figure, I can’t indulge as often as I would like. When I do, they had better be good. While I know a few great places in Chicago, so far we haven’t found any to compare in central Ohio.

Outside of going to a restaurant, lately I have been working on my own recipes. Since one of my current projects is a cook book, my rib recipe will have to be close to the rib perfection experienced as a child.

My first and probably best boyhood rib experiences were in my home town of Oak Lawn, Illinois. The Branding Iron Restaurant had a nice dining room with white cloth table cloths. I know they had a full menu, but they also had some of the best ribs in the Chicago area. As you walked up to the building, you could smell the intoxicating aroma of wood burning and charring meat. As a child the irony was lost on me. I had no idea that Oak Lawn was an all white community. However, in the glass kitchen there were always four or five Afro-American men who worked continuously on the ribs. I believe that they were the reason those ribs were so good. They knew the secret. I have often tried to imagine how, with all of the horrors of slavery, something so good was created. At times, I would stand with my nose up to the glass, trying to figure out the method. They would flip racks of ribs from level to level at just the right time, continually basting the upper levels with their wonderful sauce. When an order came in the next ribs in line would be dropped on a plate and handed out of the smoky area to the less skilled kitchen personnel. They had it down to a science. The results were never disappointing.

The Branding Iron was more than just a restaurant. I mean that literally and figuratively. It was literally more because in the same building was the Branding Iron bowling alley. The restaurant was far enough apart that you couldn’t hear the pins being knocked down. Figuratively, the restaurant was more than just a restaurant by being an integral part of my youth. Every birthday between the ages of eight and fifteen my parents gave me a choice between a party with my friends or a day with them, doing my favorite activities. I think I had one party with friends. The rest of those years my celebration would start with swimming in one of the downtown Chicago Hotel pools (my birthday is March 25^th). My dad was more than willing to pay the small fee for the afternoon swim. Then we would return to Oak Lawn and the Branding Iron. Dad and I would bowl and mom would watch and encourage. The final part of the celebration was, you guessed it. We were all starving by that time. Those were the best ribs of my life.

The other memory of the Branding Iron occurred during; I believe it was, the summer of my twelfth year. In an effort to stimulate off season bowling the Branding Iron Lanes had a promotion. You could buy a card that allowed you to bowl one game a week at the ridiculous price of ten cents. My best friend Tim and I were all over that. Every week like clockwork, we rode our bikes through the suburban side streets about a mile and a half. We walked across the busy 95^th street, parked our bikes, and walked into the usually empty bowling alley. We played our one game, unless our moms financed a second game at the regular price of seventy-five cents. Then we wandered over to the restaurant side and ordered a drink. I think I forgot to mention, whenever you sat down, the waitress would bring out the most delicious bowl of freshly made doughnut holes, sprinkled with powdered sugar. After we finished our drinks and every last doughnut hole, we headed home, very pleased with ourselves. It may be a little late, but I sincerely wish to apologize to all of the waitresses we stiffed that summer. Our parents never taught us to tip, and our piggy banks wouldn’t allow it anyway.

One of my rib experiments on my Webber Grill

Category: Past, Present and Future

Answering the Ultimate Marriage Question at a Wedding

Posted on May 28, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

The day after my dad and I returned from our South Carolina adventure, Crystal and I went to a wedding at our church. A young couple tied the knot. The young woman was roughly Lisa’s age (our youngest daughter – early twenties). We had known her and her family since we had been in the church. The young man had also attended our church for at least a couple of years. While we never really got to know him, he was obviously a nice guy and a fun loving character. During the ceremony, the groomsmen did a bit about not being able to find the rings, and before he kissed the bride the groom gave a big smile and thumbs up to the audience. I have to admit to being a little jealous. Why didn’t I think of that for our wedding? Oh yes, because Crystal would have killed me.

The reception was held in a local motel banquet hall. There was barely enough room for everyone to sit. We arrived early; however, tables were already taken. We sat at an open table with one other man who we didn’t know. Soon though, several others joined us. They were friends and more distant relatives of the groom. One was a new mother with a beautiful nine month old baby girl. This child was full of life and quickly became the entertainment for our table. What would she eat and who would she allow to hold her. The answer is anything and anybody. She was obviously used to being the center of attention.

As the evening rolled on we feasted on chicken and burgers with all of the sides and fixings. There were also these really good looking meat balls. I went up several times trying to obtain one. There must have been something magical about them. No sooner did a tray appear, than several people passed by, each with a pile on their plates, and they were gone again.

As time passed and the cake was cut and the groom went under the dress for the garter (I thought he would never come up for air), we started to talk. One of the young women at our table was a beautiful twenty-five year old with dark skin, brown eyes, and a smile that lit up the room. She asked Crystal and me the casual question ‘how long have you two been married’? When we responded 36 years she appeared shocked. I was sure her shock was merely a reflection of my youthful vim and vigor. Crystal also has always looked younger than her age. However, the next words out of her mouth corrected my misconception. She asked the fatal and ultimate marriage question, ‘what’s your secret’? I then figured out that she was referring to our marriage’s longevity and not my youthful good looks (or Crystal’s). I don’t think anyone had ever asked me that question before. Here Crystal and I had written a whole memoir (yet to be published) based on the subject of several long marriages, and when confronted I had no answer. Of course, that’s why I have Crystal. She can talk at length about almost any subject without the least provocation or planning. As I sat there thinking, Crystal rooted out additional information. Apparently the girl had been in an on-again/off again relationship for some time. They would fight, he would threaten to leave, and then they would make up. It seemed like she was ultimately asking for us to make a decision that we had no business making, or maybe to help justify one she had already made, but couldn’t act on. Crystal started to talk about our relationship, how we met, and all we had been through. I was able to add a few platitudes about the importance of communication and working on your marriage. Over all I think our answer was quite sufficient considering the short duration of our relationship with the young woman.

Since that time however, having sufficient time to reflect, there might have been some better answers to the question about the secret to long marriage. First, to answer her real question about what to do with the guy…Dump him! If he is threatening to leave now, how can you count on him when you are stuck and the chips are really down? Marriage requires continual maintenance from both parties and requires a lot of hard work and commitment. I firmly believe that not everyone should be married. When considering a lifelong commitment to an individual, and the answer to the ultimate question about the secret to a long successful marriage, consider the following. Even Jesus acknowledged that, “in this life there will be tribulation”. That means you will go through trouble no matter what. The key when considering a spouse is, stop picturing the wedding or the honeymoon, and start picturing stress and problems. They will happen. Will you get through them better on your own or with the help of your intended? Being stuck in a bad marriage is always worse than being independent. Ask anyone who’s in a bad marriage or divorced.

So the next time someone asks for our secret to being happily married for such a long time, my answer will start with, we picked the right partners. If they ask, ‘how did we do that?’ I will probably let Crystal answer, while I think about it.

Fun at Hilton Head South Carolina

Category: Suitable Mate

South Carolina

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

Dad and I just got back from a trip to the southern part of South Carolina and the northern part of Georgia. It was a very nice trip. We saw a lot of historical and esthetically pleasing sites, walked, swam, and ate enough seafood to fill a couple of aquariums. We saw beautiful flowers and palm trees at a time when central Ohio trees are just budding. We stayed mainly along the ocean around Hilton Head, Savannah, and Charleston. We also visited a couple of my dad’s long time friends. They were a very nice couple in their eighties. Dad used to work with the man. He and his wife have been friends of my parents for many, many years. My parents had made this trip many times over the years (mainly by plane). The couple lives in a beautiful retirement community along with some sixteen thousand other senior residents. It was an amazing settlement. There was everything within the community one could ever want: places to shop, a selection of restaurants, a library, pool, lakes, bike and walking paths, a lot of open wooded land, beautiful landscaping, three golf courses, and much more. What I really liked was that whenever a senior was ready to give up driving a car they would be supplied with a golf cart with which they could reach every area of the community.

Crystal didn’t come with us. She felt that all of the driving and moving around would be too stressful. She hadn’t been feeling well for a while. When I called her, I asked if I could put a down payment on one of the houses. We are over fifty-five and could move in any time. She gave the appropriate snicker and I resumed my detailed report. The one thing I have to admit was that Crystal was right. The trip, while totally wonderful was somewhat strenuous. The night after I got home I slept for about fourteen hours straight.

Somehow during the trip, health issues notwithstanding, I kept thinking how much more enjoyable it would have been if Crystal had been with us. I am absolutely certain my dad had similar thoughts. However, it was not so much Crystal he missed, but Mimi. After sixty-four years of marriage how could he not? They had taken this trip many times since dad’s retirement. Heck, they had taken many trips together: Florida, Europe, and even Hawaii (eleven times). For me, and I know Dad and I are similar in this, half the fun of vacationing is having an adventure with someone you love. While I love my dad, he can’t replace Crystal, and I know I can’t replace Mimi. I also think this is what makes marriage worth fighting for. This is one of those benefits that make all of the work at marriage worth it. This is why our book will someday be published. While officially a marriage ends with the death of a spouse, the memories will live on as long as one of you is still alive. Often many of those memories, especially the good ones, will go on in your family and friends beyond even your lifetime. I know it will with Crystal and my parents.

Dad and I in Hilton Head South Carolina

Category: About Marriage and Family

The Evolution of Marriage

Posted on April 26, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

I am currently working as a tutor for science classes at a couple of colleges. One of the courses I am tutoring is on evolution. As any good tutor, I stick to the facts as they are laid out in the text book. As a born again Christian, I secretly take exception to some of the content. As a scientist, I can see the logic of evolutionary theory. I know enough to realize that, there are significant holes no matter what you believe. In other words, my list of questions for God is growing.

One part of evolutionary theory beyond debate is micro-evolution. That is, those small changes that occur from generation to generation which, in an ever changing environment, help make survival possible. It is my belief that, in a similar manner, marriages evolve. In marriage, of course we are not talking generational changes, but time periods within the marriage. Just as survival of a species depends on small changes so does the survival of a marriage. Many changes are too small to recognize as they happen, but over time, make a huge difference.

When Crystal and I were first married, I thought I would never find anyone more compatible. We had a lot in common and liked a lot of the same things. We were both considerate and giving. Our marriage was a blessing from God. How could anything ever happen to test that bond?

Then life happened. We both worked and rushed around in a hectic fashion. Obligations with friends, family, and jobs interfered. We both went into marriage with expectations. We soon realized that, growing up in different families, we had a number of areas of differing expectations. There were issues to resolve, and challenges to meet. About that time we were active in the United Methodist Church. We met an older couple, Van and Eloise. We bounded with them immediately. I would talk to Van and Crystal had a lot in common with Eloise. They invited us to their house for a meal or to just visit. I was amazed at how well they got along and how at peace they appeared to be. They made it sound like they were at peace and never had a problem in the world. Outside of their age, they had everything I had always hoped we would have in marriage.

As for our marriage, after five years, and a lot of dealing with jobs, health issues, and family issues, our communications had improved. Going to marriage counselors, reading books about improving our marriage, and watching TV shows that concentrated on marital problems and solutions helped. We were starting to get the hang of things. We also tried to have a date every week even if it was just going for a walk.

Then we started our family. At first everything was great. Soon however, stresses became bigger. Now every decision involved other human beings. At each stage of their development came new challenges and obligations. The phrase ‘not knowing if I am coming or going’ now made perfect sense.

Somehow we survived those days. Today, life seems relatively simple. Two, out of our three, daughters are out of the house, living independently. The third has one foot on the doorstep. What I find interesting, and somewhat amusing, is that now we are the older couple with that unexplained peaceful appearance. My oldest daughter calls us in a state of panic asking for our advice about the stresses she and her husband are going through. We do our best to give sage, God centered, advice. In the back of my head, though I always think, this is just something she has to go through. It is part of the evolution of her marriage. Of course, nowadays, many people aren’t willing to wait, or work on a marriage enough to break through to the better part. I consider this a great loss on both an individual and societal basis.

Where we are now, while not perfect, is good enough to make the struggles worth going through. For those who are in the rapidly changing part of their marriages the best thing I can tell you is, hang in there, ‘this too shall pass.’

Crystal’s Corner: Marriage is like a Plant

I am not scientific like Ron. I am more artistic and down to earth. I think marriage is like a plant. It starts out as a seedling and looks very promising. Then it grows and love blooms into a beautiful flower like a rose. But of course there is drought and weeds and other problems that need attention. This is like in marriage there are problems: he wants to do his sports activities when you want to go to a play. He wants to spend too much time with his parents and friends and you want to be alone with him at home. His work is upsetting and your work is going nowhere. It takes a lot of growth to keep the plant alive and some of the time it looks droopy. But it can bloom again and again if you keep finding ways to nurture it. So it is true with marriage. I am not an athlete but I did play tennis and tried to downhill ski. Well at least I tried. However, we both like miniature golf and walks in the woods. He doesn’t quilt or embroider but he has helped drag all of my quilting supplies to workshops and classes I taught, and shows where I displayed my work. He also drops me off at a National Quilt show and comes back to pick me up and take me out to a nice dinner. You learn how to support and encourage each other and this is the boost your marriage plant needs and thrives on.

I won’t talk about evolution because I am a creationist and only like the cave paintings not the cavemen. But I do agree that marriage can evolve if given the best efforts of both marriage partners. Let the sun shine on your marriage and it will grow just like a lovely pink rose.

Yes they’re turtles. I had to use something for evolution!

Category: Make Marriage Last

To be or not to be

Posted on April 17, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

If life is a gift and death is the thief that can steal that gift, then what is gained that can’t be lost. With movies like Heaven is for Real and God’s not Dead showing in theaters, there have been renewed discussions about topics of the afterlife. What happens? Where, if anywhere, does your spirit go when life is at its end? While I have very definite opinions on this subject, I will not, in this forum, offer any insight on this or any matter, which can only be proved with certainty by drinking the proverbial Kool Aide. I only mention the topic as a springboard for some related revelations.

We had our Easter celebration yesterday evening. Yes, I know for the rest of you it is still a week away. God’s timing doesn’t always coincide with everyone’s schedule. I cooked for thirteen with family and friends in attendance. It was a German feast with sauerbraten, dumplings, red cabbage, beet salad and a lot more. The meal was a specialty of my mom. Fortunately, she taught me before she died. Everyone raved about the meal and there were several references to Mimi (mom). Dad was particularly impressed. He said it was just as good as Mimi’s. That was high praise indeed. It made me think about my mom. She was always so strong and full of life. Serving others was her greatest joy. In our book, there are numerous stories of her impoverished child hood, and struggles growing up in war torn WW2 Germany. When dad met her, and hired her to cook and clean, for him and the other American counter intelligence agents, she barely knew how to cook. That wasn’t the mother I knew. Both dad and I took her somewhat for granted. She was truly skilled in the kitchen. She made things look easy that I now know aren’t easy at all.

The real point is that, while she is no longer with us physically, she isn’t really gone either. Every time I make one of her favorite dishes, or remember some of her wise sayings, every time I see her picture, or one of the numerous little nick knacks from one of dad and her vacations, she is with me again. I propose that our lives consist of a sequence of events. Wherever those events touch others in a meaningful way, to some extent, we live on.

If you are seeking more substantial discussion of life after death, talk to my dad. According to the IRS he is dead. We spent several hours with social security today, trying to straighten out the mess. Dead or not, I reassured him that there is no way it will prevent the government from accepting his tax money. After all, two of the only certainties in life are death and taxes.

Crystal’s Corner: Pineapple Upside down Cake

Ron talked about our pre-Easter dinner. I made a pineapple upside down cake because we also celebrated Michelle’s boyfriend’s birthday. It is his favorite. Whenever I bake, I remember my mom. She was always baking and we baked together. She taught me so many great techniques and tricks about baking and cooking. I liked to bake and would experiment with difficult cakes and cookie recipes. I also took a class on decorating cakes and made many of them for our family celebrations. I know that my mom is in heaven and she is well. She had many health problems when she was here. It was difficult to see her suffer with headaches and pain. But her spirit was always bright. She would make jokes and tell funny stories even when she wasn’t well.

She made many Easter dinners and wonderful holiday meals. My brother, my sister and I helped her. She taught us different things to make that would be part of the meal so it would be easier for her. It made us feel like we were part of it.

As part of our passing down tradition, whenever we celebrate, we assign dishes to our girls and they always bring something for our holiday meals. Ron is writing a cookbook with recipes, techniques and family stories for our girls and grandchildren. I am really glad he is doing this. I will be adding some of my recipes and especially baking tips. Now if you will excuse me, I am going to have another piece of that delicious pineapple cake.

Have a nice Easter! It is the best day of the year. We know that because of Jesus and His resurrection we have eternal life.

Just another family meal

Category: Past, Present and Future

All Men are Jerks

Posted on March 24, 2014 by Ron • 0 comment

I don’t know if I have mentioned it yet, but I went back to school at around fifty years old to get an RN degree. It was an unbelievable challenge. I told some of the young women in the program that I was only there to find a good nurse to take care of me in a couple of years. I said a lot of funny things between and sometimes during classes to help relieve the tremendous stress we were all under.

It was my privilege to get to know some of the people in the program. Most of the students were young to middle aged women. At times I felt like an insider where no man should be. I heard of abuse, neglect, and infidelity, of youthful indiscretions, and the men who wanted nothing to do with the girl who ‘got herself’ pregnant. My overwhelming lesson from the experience was that ‘all men are jerks’…………….

I know there are a lot of jerks out there. Having three daughters, I have spent a lot of time worrying about their choices. They are grown now. My oldest used the trial and error method of selecting a mate. I could tell you some stories. But it’s always better to leave what’s past, past, and focus on the present. Today she has a great husband and family. My other two are still at different points in the decision making process.

However, if all men are jerks what are women supposed to look for? But wait? I’m no jerk. At least I’m not consistently a jerk. I have my moments. If I was, Crystal would have told me. She tells me everything. I don’t think I’m unique. My dad isn’t a jerk. Crystal’s dad isn’t one.

As I said there are a lot of jerks, but that’s not the real problem. The real problem for women is finding a guy who isn’t a jerk. One major pattern I uncovered during my covert ops in the land of women was they think they can fix us. They find a guy who is a little rough and try to sand off the rough edges. Guys don’t generally like or respond well to being sanded. What you see is what you get. Women need to think in terms of eternity. Is this the guy, the way he is today, I will want to be with, in ten years, twenty, fifty?

In this age of gender equality I think we miss some things. Roles are important in marriage. They don’t need to be absolute like they were at one time. I have changed my share of diapers, and Crystal has taken out the trash. For the most part, however, we have done the jobs we are better at. I am stronger and have done more of the physical jobs. Crystal is more detail oriented and takes care of the bills and bank accounts, etc, etc. I have seen this kind of role logic work with my parents and Crystal’s. My parents were like two halves of the same brain. Dad was everything logical and analytical, while mom was at times an overflow of emotions. There was friction at time, but for the most part it worked very well. They balanced each other. Crystal’s mom was one of the most generous people I have ever known. However, if it weren’t for Jim, she probably would have starved to death when she gave everything away to the less fortunate (which was almost everyone else according to Mary Jane).

I think that’s the key to a successful marriage. Unless the two of you are better than either one by yourself, and (this is important) you both know it, stay single. A wise man once said (and I’m paraphrasing) ‘It’s better to spend your whole life wanting something you don’t have than having something you can’t stand.’

Spring is coming. At least I found something green.

Category: Suitable Mate