I don’t know if I have mentioned it yet, but I went back to school at around fifty years old to get an RN degree. It was an unbelievable challenge. I told some of the young women in the program that I was only there to find a good nurse to take care of me in a couple of years. I said a lot of funny things between and sometimes during classes to help relieve the tremendous stress we were all under.
It was my privilege to get to know some of the people in the program. Most of the students were young to middle aged women. At times I felt like an insider where no man should be. I heard of abuse, neglect, and infidelity, of youthful indiscretions, and the men who wanted nothing to do with the girl who ‘got herself’ pregnant. My overwhelming lesson from the experience was that ‘all men are jerks’…………….
I know there are a lot of jerks out there. Having three daughters, I have spent a lot of time worrying about their choices. They are grown now. My oldest used the trial and error method of selecting a mate. I could tell you some stories. But it’s always better to leave what’s past, past, and focus on the present. Today she has a great husband and family. My other two are still at different points in the decision making process.
However, if all men are jerks what are women supposed to look for? But wait? I’m no jerk. At least I’m not consistently a jerk. I have my moments. If I was, Crystal would have told me. She tells me everything. I don’t think I’m unique. My dad isn’t a jerk. Crystal’s dad isn’t one.
As I said there are a lot of jerks, but that’s not the real problem. The real problem for women is finding a guy who isn’t a jerk. One major pattern I uncovered during my covert ops in the land of women was they think they can fix us. They find a guy who is a little rough and try to sand off the rough edges. Guys don’t generally like or respond well to being sanded. What you see is what you get. Women need to think in terms of eternity. Is this the guy, the way he is today, I will want to be with, in ten years, twenty, fifty?
In this age of gender equality I think we miss some things. Roles are important in marriage. They don’t need to be absolute like they were at one time. I have changed my share of diapers, and Crystal has taken out the trash. For the most part, however, we have done the jobs we are better at. I am stronger and have done more of the physical jobs. Crystal is more detail oriented and takes care of the bills and bank accounts, etc, etc. I have seen this kind of role logic work with my parents and Crystal’s. My parents were like two halves of the same brain. Dad was everything logical and analytical, while mom was at times an overflow of emotions. There was friction at time, but for the most part it worked very well. They balanced each other. Crystal’s mom was one of the most generous people I have ever known. However, if it weren’t for Jim, she probably would have starved to death when she gave everything away to the less fortunate (which was almost everyone else according to Mary Jane).
I think that’s the key to a successful marriage. Unless the two of you are better than either one by yourself, and (this is important) you both know it, stay single. A wise man once said (and I’m paraphrasing) ‘It’s better to spend your whole life wanting something you don’t have than having something you can’t stand.’
Spring is coming. At least I found something green.