Marriage Memoir by Ron and Crystal Meinstein

            Yesterday I went to a funeral for a good friend of mine. When we moved to Coshocton, I went ahead of my family and started working while Crystal got ready for our move from Indiana. One of my jobs was to find a suitable church, or at least several options.   In all, I probably visited about ten local churches. Burt Avenue Wesleyan was our eventual choice. It was a small church with little over a hundred members at the time. What really stood out to Crystal and me was the friendly family atmosphere.

            Carl Easter was one of the first members I met and immediately liked. He was one of those people, who when you met him, you felt like you had known him your whole life. He was open, friendly, and quick to joke or add to a conversation. He married his wife and soul mate Janet over forty-eight years ago. When Carl had his first heart attack over twenty years ago his biggest wish was to see their two daughters graduate form high school. God honored that request.

            Carl will be missed greatly, but his legacy will not be forgotten. He and Janet had a good marriage and served as a great example of what marriage is all about. Unfortunately, as with all truly great marriages, they must at some point end in death.

            The great thing about our faith is that while Carl will be missed here, we know he is in a better place. I am not anxious to get there, but I know we will have a great reunion some day. He probably has a new joke for me already.

Crystal’s Corner

            The most difficult part of moving from state to state, as we have, is leaving people you cherish.  One of the people we cherished living here in Coshocton, Ohio, is Carl Easter.  From the beginning of our coming to this church we befriended Carl.  He was in charge of The Best Years Fellowship which was a group of over 50’s church members.  He organized this group so that every month there was an activity, usually a meal too, that was enjoyed by all of the members.  He and Janet took care of this group and many dinners and activities at the church.  I don’t go to church often now because of my health problems, but I always looked forward to seeing Carl’s smiling face and shaking his hand.  It will be difficult when he is not there.  But knowing him and knowing his lovely wife, Janet, has been a positive influence on our lives and on our marriage.  I am going to look for him when I am not longer here on the earth.  Maybe there will be a dinner.

If you have been following this blog, until now you have heard mainly my voice. While occasionally you have heard from my wife Crystal, you might not have realized that she is very dynamic and an excellent writer (probably better that me). I hope this post is the first of many for her.

     On May 13, 1991 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who we named Lisa.  On May 11, 2013 Lisa graduated from WilmingtonCollege, Cum Laude with a major in Business Marketing.  It is hard to believe that our youngest daughter is now a college graduate.  We are proud, but also sad. 

            When I became pregnant with Lisa in Greensburg, Indiana it was somewhat of a miracle.  I had had problems getting pregnant with our first daughter, had problems delivering our second daughter, I miscarried when we lived in Michigan, and I had medical problems too.  The chances of me getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term were very slim, but God can do anything.  After I miscarried in Michigan, I prayed and asked God if I would ever have another child.  He told me that I would have a successful pregnancy, but not in Michigan. We didn’t even know where we were moving to after Michigan until the summer before we moved. 

            In our lives God has worked in mysterious ways.  I saw Lisa in dreams during the pregnancy and she was this happy blonde blue eyed little girl. This was very important because of the miscarriage.   God told me that He was sending her into the world to make it a happier place.  He told me we could nickname her “sunny” because that is what her personality would be like.  This came true and in Greensburg. Lisa was known as a very happy baby and then a very happy little girl.

            Now she is a very pretty young woman who is very helpful and caring of her family and friends.  She is diligently looking for a job and hopefully will start her career soon.  Meanwhile she lives at home and we spend time together talking, shopping, and watching TV shows and movies that we both like.  She likes cats and her cat, Seal, is the only one we have left in the house.  I want her to move forward, but I also know I will miss her when she leaves for her own place. I still miss both of her sisters.

            This year her birthday came right after Mother’s Day and two days after her graduation.  I had her the day after Mother’s Day so it brings back those memories.  I had a C-section and Ron was in the room with me during the surgery.  Afterward he stood in my room rocking Lisa talking to her godfather, Ken Wells.  They passed her back and forth and for me it was such a wonderful memory. Of my three daughters she was the “mama’s” girl, my girl, whereas the other two were more “Daddy’s” girls.  I felt sometimes when I held her as a baby that she wanted to climb back into me.  Cherish the moments you have with your children.  They grow up so fast. They also make you proud.

Lisa and Crystal at Wilmington College 2012

            Crystal and I are continuing to work on finding an agent for our book and developing our platform. Crystal does a great job researching agents to find ones who express interest in our type of book (memoir, historical nonfiction). She not only sees what they are looking for, but looks at books which have been published through their agency. I love her passion and attention to detail. So far, with all of that work, our query letter has been rejected three times. Each time she has been disappointed. I am not concerned. I know there is a market and a publisher for this book. These are not our failures, but part of a process. I do, however, feel some pity for those agents who aren’t even taking time to read past our query letter. I get it. There are formulas for successful books. Our book fits none of these. It is somewhat unique in style and format. This would be bothersome to most agents and publishers. Of course I am sure that, the same complaint could be registered by the twenty publishers who rejected William Golding’s Lord of the Flies, the two dozen who rejected Stephen King’s Carrie, or the thirty-eight who rejected Gone with the Wind. While I’m not saying our book is on a level with those classics, I know there is a place for it. I am certain there were a lot of publishers and agents looking for new lines of work after those works went public. I don’t wish that on anybody.

            However, we didn’t write the book for any publishers/agents. We wrote it first, for our family, as documentation of first hand experiences and accounts from our parents, and us. Second, it is written as a story of life, growing pains, and love’s endurance, during different times and conditions. The universal appeal is inescapable. The trouble isn’t who will pick up this book, but who will put it down.

            As I said, this is a process, and so far I am enjoying it. I am meeting new and interesting people, discussing writing issues, and even getting involved in internet blogging. One of my friends at church even asked for my feedback on his writing effort. I barely consider myself a writer, and now people are coming to me for advice. Like I said, this is a journey. The destination is only relatively important. I feel that God has been with us in the writing and will continue to lead us in the publication.

Crystal’s Corner:

            The search for an agent is like searching for hidden treasure.  You want to find the gold, but there seems to be many obstacles in the way.  I have rewritten the query letter about six times now.  I always try to identify with the agent I am sending it to so that he/she will relate to us.  I don’t think that we are being rejected because of the book.  I think that there can be many things going on with the agencies.  But it is frustrating when you believe you have found the right match and then they are not interested.

            I also have been reading and researching memoirs, recent ones, and ones that have been out there for years.  I am finding many that I really like.  I might be mentioning and describing some of them on this blog.  I do look for agents and publishing companies when I read any book, fiction or non-fiction that I like.  Many times the authors will be recognizing their agent, editor and publisher in the introduction or somewhere in the book.  This is a good way to find names.  Also, the Internet is very helpful because most agencies are listed and you can find out what they have been doing recently, which books they have gotten published, and also writers that you can research. 

            My research also gives me encouragement and ideas. One author I read about shared that she sent out query letters to many agencies from April to August.  She got several replies – all negative and nothing from other agencies.  While she was on vacation she received a positive reply from an agent.  Instead of jumping up and down and just going with that agent, she made a very smart move.  She re-contacted all the agencies that she had sent the query letter to and informed them that an agent was interested.  Surprise, surprise, some of them responded that they were interested also.  She chose her agent because he was the most enthusiastic about her book and she liked him and the agency he represented.  It was a good match for her project which is now published.  The gold is out there.  We are going to keep searching for it.

I am currently sitting in the back room at my father-in law’s house. This week end Crystal, Lisa (my youngest daughter), and I visited. We came partly because we try to visit both of our fathers as often as we can. However, this time we are also visiting at Larry’s (my brother-in-law’s) request. He and Linda went to Chicago this weekend and Jim would have been alone. In the past this would have been no big deal. Things are changing. Unlike the young vibrant character in our (yet to be published book), Jim is not doing very well. He is no longer fighting in the Philippine island jungles. Mary Jane, his wife of fifty-five years, has been gone since 2006. He fights memory loss and lack of mobility. His body is in an obviously declining state.  However, there is still something inspiring about him. He never gives up and rarely complains. Every day he gets up and does the best he can. He enjoys company and takes comfort in his old westerns and movies           

 Larry comes over frequently to help, but is getting burned out as a care taker.  He worries about Jim’s declining ability to take care of himself. This weekend in addition to helping Jim, I’ve been evaluating and compiling a list of suggestion for Jim’s care. My experience as a nurse is helpful in that regard.

The one encouraging thing is his attitude. Often, as we age, we become frequently depressed and mournful of all of the losses in life. Jim is not typical. In the Bible, the apostle Paul once said, “to live is Christ and to die is gain. “ Very similarly, Jim does the best he can in life, but insists he can’t wait to again see Mary Jane. He insists that sometimes he can still feel her presence in the house.  That type of faith is exceedingly rare. Maybe it’s true that true love never dies.

After we leave here, we go home. On the way, we will stop to see my dad. We will visit for a while; then go out to celebrate my birthday. I am fifty-nine today (not sixty yet!). Even for me, birthdays are no longer what they used to be. While we still honor the day, it’s now more of a reminder of mortality than reason to celebrate. With this, another year passed, I am more determined than ever that the great love stories of our parents be passed on.  Our book “One Hundred and Fifty Years of Marriage” will have its day.

Crystal’s Corner

            It is really hard to see my Dad the way he is now.  He is very sick and has lost a lot of weight and energy.  I am glad that we go to see him and to help when we can.  We live about 3 and ½ hours away, but we try to get there as often as we can.  I remember my Dad fondly when I was growing up as being a very fun person.  As a child he used to take me and my mom and my brother and sister to the People’s store in Roseland, Illinois.  It was a large department store I think on Michigan Ave.  The store had this large staircase with a landing halfway up with chairs to sit on.  My Dad would buy us some chocolate covered peanuts and we would sit and watch the people (which my Dad said is the best part of shopping) while my mom shopped in the women’s section and fabric section.  My Dad always held my hand when we would go anywhere.  To me he was tall, handsome and great.  He read everything I wrote in high school and college and came to as many events as he could.  Always he was proud of me.  He is a storyteller and always had funny things to say.  It is hard seeing him like this, but he is still my Dad and I will always cherish him.

            It has been little more than a year ago since my mom died, though it seems much longer. With both of our mothers gone, Crystal and I are more determined than ever that their stories be told. We stay close with our fathers. The biggest accomplishment of the past year was to help my dad move closer to us and family. He expresses his gratitude almost every time we see him. While he is ninety-two years old, I honestly believe he never felt old until he lost his wife of sixty-four years. Similarly, Crystal’s dad is always glad when we visit, but has not felt complete since Mary Jane passed some half a dozen years ago. He insists that sometimes he can still feel her presence in his house. While he still considers life worth living, as time passes, he feels an increasing longing to once again be with his Mary Jane.

            What ever eventually happens with this memoir, I couldn’t be prouder of our parents. They overcame more before we were born than we will have in our entire lives. It won’t be long before the “greatest generation” will be relegated to the history books. If we hadn’t undertaken this project we might have never fully appreciated efforts, sacrifices, and life changing events which occurred.

            Whatever happens next, our eyes have been opened. When I first read the twelve page single spaced “love letter” dad wrote to me when I was one year old, I was in awe. I was amazed at the detailed story of his youth in Germany, trip to America, and war exploits. I had no idea that he was writing it at a time when his life was in turmoil. He wanted me to know about my father even if he wasn’t around to tell me.

            Crystal’s father shared little about his war experiences when she was young. He only said that war was horrible. It took him years to be able to talk about his experiences. Crystal’s mom was always more forthcoming, though her version might have been somewhat censored. Someday, we may read the two boxes of letters between Mary Jane and Jim, which are now gathering dust in his basement. For now we continue to add details and layers to our book. I practically have a relationship with the women at the National Personnel Records Department in St. Louis. For the last eight months I have been trying to get Jim’s military records, to fill in some details. I can’t adequately describe how much fun it is to try to get something from our government. Try it sometime. Crystal is continuing to read other successful memoirs and come up with useful suggestions, and also some affirmations. We have done a lot right.

            I think the best thing is that working on this project together has brought Crystal and me closer together (if that’s possible). We share a healthy outlook. This is only part of the journey, not the journey.

            Well we just received a “rejection” from our last query letter. This is one area where Crystal and I differ a little. To her this is a sad spot, a criticism, a negative. I, on the other hand, feel that this is just part of the natural process. It is just a matter of persistence and continuing to develop our platform. I feel very much like God has led us to write this book and equally convinced that he will lead us in its publication. On the positive side, so far there has been no criticism of our book or what we are trying to accomplish. One of the agents actually called our query along with a submitted sample, poised and polished.

            The goal for now will be to continue to research agents, become more educated about the memoir and publishing world, and work on a thorough book proposal. Crystal is a great researcher and a veracious reader. She is finding articles and books about publishing memoirs and giving me highlights, and reading assignments. She is also reading other memoirs to find ones which are similar. I am currently working on chapter summaries for the book and will then move onto a marketing plan. The more we can do in advance the better it will be. We realize that many of the agents on our A list are just too busy for a new project/author. We will be more appealing if we are capable of doing much of the leg work ourselves. All the agent will have to do is find a publisher and cash the huge checks. Did I ever mention that I’m an optimist?