Ron, Author at Marriage Memoir by Ron and Crystal Meinstein

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Who Wants a Robot? I Do! by Crystal

Posted on June 7, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

When we were growing up in the 1960’s and 1970’s robots were talked about all the time. We believed that when we became adults, everyone would have a robot doing the housework, cutting the grass and maybe driving the car. Of course, that didn’t happen and hasn’t happened. We also thought that there would be a colony on the moon and vacations in space. After all we watched Star Trek and Lost in Space and NASA was on the news all the time. John Glenn and Neil Armstrong were household names. They were our heroes and many kids wanted to be astronauts or cowboys.

It is 2015 and we don’t have the robot, which does everything. We are still vacuuming, mopping the floors, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. We do have dishwashers, microwaves and electric cars (some of us do), but we have to unload the dishwasher, clean the microwave and charge the car. This is very disappointing to us baby boomers who believed so much of what we saw on TV and in the movies. I envisioned myself lying in the hammock while the robot brought me ice tea and cookies that it had made before it cut the grass and did the dishes. I imagined having discussions with the neighbors as we went around the block on our hover boards about what new things the robots could do. I could see the robot in my imagination following my kids around picking up their dirty clothes, reminding them of their homework assignments and giving them their lunches when they left for school. But I ended up doing all of that and more. Maybe by 2020 things will change. Maybe by then robots will be doing the housework and yard work and advising us on our investments and doing our taxes. Of course, there will be decisions to make like what should we call our robot: Max? Sylvia? I will just have to get myself some ice tea and a brownie and think about it.

Ron’s Corner:

Crystal and I have always been well suited for each other. I too believe robots will have an increasing role in our future. However, as a kid of eight or nine years old, I wasn’t very patient. I’m sure I had ADD, although I don’t think that existed back then. Like Crystal, I too was a dreamer. I was also a bit of a geek. I had watched all of the sci-fi movies of the time. While it was a few years before “Star Trek” or even “Lost in Space”, one of my favorite movies was the 1951 classic “The Day the Earth Stood Still”. The all powerful robot, Gort, inspired me. All I needed was the right opportunity. My big break came when mom’s electric can opener broke. The handle broke off, but the motor still worked. I quickly pulled the robot motor from the trash and jumped on Henry (my bike). It was time for a visit to the robot parts supply facility. Back then, there was little in the way of security around Oak Lawn’s city dump. For most, the smell was enough to keep them away. Somehow it always smelled like someone had just thrown up. The rats didn’t seem to mind. For me, I got used to the smell, and couldn’t resist the scavenging opportunities. This time I was focused. I found just what I needed and returned the materials to my basement La-bor-a- tory.

In a matter of hours, I had assembled my masterpiece. Gort II (I wasn’t worried about Copyright laws) was ready for a trial run. Mine wasn’t quite as sophisticated as the movie robot, but my imagination could certainly more than make up the difference. The motor was mounted on top of an old rusty roller skate. The rubber bands went from the motor gears to the skate axel. The whole apparatus was enclosed in an old gallon turpentine can with the bottom skillfully removed (ironically, and without mom’s knowledge, using the new can opener).

Once plugged in, the motor made its usual grinding noise, but nothing happened for about thirty seconds. It took a while for the rubber band drive train to tighten. Then Gort II took off. It shot forward a good foot or two. The noise continued until it again shot forward. Nothing could stop it (except maybe running out of extension cord). I figured the extension cord was my failsafe. How else could mankind keep the robot from destroying the world?

Mom was impressed, but had learned not to ask where all of the parts came from (it just upset her to know). I played and imagined for a day or two, then disassembled Gort II for some other future project.

Yes, along with Crystal, I have no doubt that robots will play an extensive role in the future of mankind. But for now I am quite happy for where we are. Flip a switch and the light goes on. We don’t have to beat our clothes on a rock to get them clean and the TV has some 200 stations. As for the future, it will take care of itself. Carpe diem.

Category: Just for Fun Stories

A Dandelion for Mom

Posted on May 23, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

Last week we celebrated Mother’s Day with Lisa and my dad. After I made Crystal a breakfast of bacon and French toast, we picked up Lisa in Zanesville and went on to Columbus. I dropped Lisa and Crystal off at a book store. Dad and I watched the Bulls lose to Cleveland. I picked up the girls and we went to an overcrowded but nice seafood restaurant for dinner. At dinner, at dad’s request, we toasted my mom. I know dad misses her most of all. However, I won’t lie; I think about mom a lot. She probably loved me more than anyone else in my life. Who else would have waited nine hours for my free medical exam for Boy Scout camp? Who else would always make time to play a game with me when I was bored, or listen to whatever concerned me? Who else smiled and complimented my horrible art work, or proudly displayed the dandelion I had picked for her? To me she was everything a great mom should be.

That was what I saw of my mother as a child. She was selfless, supportive, and always a soft place to fall. Growing up, like most children, I was selfish. I felt that life was all about me. Any life my parents had before I came around was just irrelevant. Today, though, I am so glad that we interviewed our parents and documented their lives in our memoir. To some extent whether it is ever published or not “150 Years of Marriage” has already fulfilled a monumental purpose. It helped us see our parents as whole people. We can no longer think of our parents as just filling their parent roles in our lives. Interviewing them revealed just how much each of them had experienced before we ever arrived on the scene. My mom for example, grew up in a very poor family in pre-WW2 Germany. She seldom had enough clothes or food to be comfortable. She was horribly abused as a child, and harassed when she didn’t join the NAZI youth. She lost her brother and father in the war. For a long time she lived in fear and never thought she would have a normal life.

Eventually though, the nightmare ended. The story of how she met and fell in love with dad after the war is well documented in our memoir. Once they were married, all she wanted was to be a mom. However, like so much else in her life, that wasn’t easy. I was her one and only child and a main focus of her life. She and my dad did everything they could to prepare me for life in the world. We stayed close always. It’s just harder on some days than others. We have a picture of mom with her grandkids in our living room. I sometimes kiss it as I go by. There is just no way to repay your parents for all they do. I just try to never forget or let the love die. Mom, I miss you.

Mom with grand-kids and great-grand-kids around 2011.

Category: Holidays, Past, Present and Future

Woman in Gold

Posted on April 28, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

Last week Crystal and I got away for a couple of days. It was my anniversary gift that we rented a cabin near Old Man’s Cave (Ohio State Park near Logan). So for a couple of days there was no computer, no cell phone (or reception), and only DVDs on TV. I know what you are thinking, how can a couple survive without all of the modern conveniences? Well we did just fine; thank you very much. The hot tub on the porch was very nice. We grilled some steaks and hot dogs, hiked in the woods, saw rustic streams and waterfalls, cooked some marshmallows by the campfire, and in general, just relaxed. I would recommend this kind of getaway for any married couple at least annually. If you haven’t lately, start planning. Every couple needs to plan and do things together on a regular basis.

Getting away is great, but another necessity for a good marriage is regular dating. It’s a time for reconnection and distressing. There have been times when our schedules only allowed going out for breakfast and a walk or drive. It’s still worth the time. Just like your car, your marriage needs maintenance. Of course, movies are an important dating activity. However, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find good movies to see. Still, Crystal and I try to see one or two a month. If nothing else, we can agree that movies today suck, and why did we see that one. We saw Jupiter Ascending and agreed it was, quite possibly, the worst science fiction movie ever made. When you keep looking at your watch, even though it’s too dark and you are not wearing one, you know it’s bad. However, if you love action fantasy with a convoluted plot, and don’t care about plot, acting, humor (or lack thereof), or any semblance of reality, I highly recommend it.

On the other end of the movie spectrum, a couple of days prior to our trip, we saw a new movie, The Woman in Gold. It is based on a true story about the struggle of a woman and her friend’s son (a lawyer) to recover a famous painting stolen from her family by the NAZIs during WW2. The movie goes far beyond the modern day (around 1998) legal struggle between the protagonists and the Austrian government. This movie is a personalized history lesson about WW2, Austria, and one family’s fight to escape the extreme persecution and prejudice targeted against the Austrian Jewish population at the time. It is the story of how the niece of the portrait’s subject and her fiancé risked everything, tearfully leaving family to almost certain death in their escape to America. I have probably said too much already. See the movie!

Of one thing Crystal and I were most certain. This movie, based on a memoir, is certain proof that there is still a great market for our memoir. This entire project has been an amazing experience. Both Crystal and I feel totally enlightened by all we have learned during the research and interviewing process. We have been amazed at the lives and times of our parents. We are now more determined than ever that this book and project are worthwhile and the stories have universal and timeless appeal. We both feel led by God to continue our efforts. I have started to work on an outline for a screen play. Who knows, maybe the movie will come out first.

Crystal’s Corner:

Our recent getaway was in a cabin in the woods in Hocking hills. We had stayed in the very same cabin back in 2003. The owner, who lives in a house not far from the cabin, remembered us. Thinking back about 2003 is kind of scary. It wasn’t a good time for us. Ron lost his job in Coshocton after only 3 and ½ years of working there. We thought this was the job he would have until we retired. We were having major problems with Elizabeth that was turning our whole world upside-down and it was taking its toll on our younger children and our marriage. I remember feeling much calmer at this cabin in the woods. It is very isolated, quiet and comfortable. In 2003, we didn’t have cell phones or very many DVDs either.

Going to see the waterfalls in this area is a very nice experience. You do have to do a lot of walking and some of it is uphill. I am not that good at walking uphill. I am mainly a flat or downhill walker. But there weren’t any elevators to get back up. We took many photos, but also just sat down on a bench or some flat stones and relaxed. There is something about the forest that calms me down and makes me more hopeful. Ron and I both feel this way. Ron takes different photos than I do. Before I had my current camera, I would have to debate with him to take the shots that I wanted. He likes scenery, cows, old buildings that are falling down, geese, heron, and other birds. I take photos of flowers, trees, groups of branches that look like a design, rocks, and the sky. I see more opportunities that I could later use in designing quilts, clothing, and other projects. I also take photos of him in various situations.

Talking about the movies that we go see, I liked Woman in Gold very much. The painting is by Klimt; and I like his work. The movie is based on two memoirs and is done very well. The other movie, Jupiter Rising, has great music and that was the only good thing about it. After seeing it, I wanted to go home and watch Star Trek Next Generation reruns and Star Wars and remember that there are some really good sci-fi movies and TV shows. When we go to the movies, there is always time to talk before they show the movies and we discuss the new movies that are coming out. Some I will want to see and some he will want to see. There aren’t many that we both want to see. I enjoy the time that Ron and I spend together no matter what we do. After 37 years, you would think we would get bored with each other, but we don’t. He is still the best boyfriend I ever had and the funniest one too.

Crystal on a walk, and a waterfall near Old Man’s Cave.

Category: Make Marriage Last

Happy Anniversary

Posted on April 4, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

In April of 1978 peanut farmer Jimmy Carter was president, gas was 63 cents a gallon, Grease was at the movies, Happy Days was on TV, and the Bee Gees were “Staying Alive”. It was also the year Crystal and I were married.

We have been married for 37 years as of April first. That’s right we were a couple of April fools. That was Crystal’s fault. She got to pick the month so I got to pick the day. My choice was, as all of my decisions, entirely logical (haha). First, I didn’t want to wait longer than necessary. Second, I wanted a date I would never be able to forget. I had heard too many horror stories about men who had forgotten their anniversaries (May they rest in peace). I didn’t want to take that chance. April fool’s day had always been special to me. When I was a youth I always went out of my way to do something special for my mom. Her reactions were priceless and I knew she would continue to love me anyway. Just a word to the wise; always make sure the cat is locked in the basement before attempting the dead mouse on the bathroom floor trick.

Crystal and I have long ago passed the time when our married life exceeded our years before marriage. It becomes increasingly difficult to remember, with great clarity, the years before marriage. This was yet another reason for the writing of our memoir. At thirty seven years, the day is not quite as special as it once was. Actually no single day of the year is. Valentine’s Day for example is seldom celebrated on the actual day. We usually celebrate on a day which fits our schedule, and when fewer love crazed couples are vying for the limited restaurant seating. Furthermore, Crystal never expects candy or flowers on the day. She usually gets her candies on the following day when they are half price. As for flowers, they have no special significance in our house. I frequently buy fresh cut flowers for Crystal for no particular reason. Here is a clue, guys. If you want a good marriage, keep your women stocked with flowers and chocolates. It may not solve all of your problems, but it certainly couldn’t hurt.

So what will we do for our anniversary? Candies and chocolates are out. Jewelry is always an option. I will go that route from time to time. However, realistically Crystal has all of the jewelry she needs. At one point in our relationship, she liked for me to pick out clothing for her. She liked my taste, and I had a good feel for what would fit. However, while I still try from time to time; how do I say this sensitively, I have lost some of my innate talent for selecting clothes that will fit her.

No, none of the old standbys apply for us at this point. So, for lack of a better strategy, I give her what she really wants and has asked for. Later in the month of April, I have made reservations for a getaway. We will stay in a cabin in a beautiful secluded wooded area for a couple of nights. We will explore by day and kick back and relax at night. That’s right, after 37 years, what Crystal wants most is to spend more time with me. In spite of myself, I must be doing something right.

Happy Anniversary Crystal.

Crystal’s Corner

Happy Anniversary, Ron!

I agree what Ron has written in his blog in some ways. Our anniversary is special to me. It doesn’t matter how many years we have been together. I still feel like a bride on that day and I remember the sunny day, how I looked in my wedding dress, all of our friends and family celebrating together and our wedding vows. I remember thinking that morning that I would never be the same after that day. I had a new name and now I was connected to the person I loved best in the world forever. Ron looked scared as I walked down the aisle, but after I got there, he smiled. It was the 20 minute Methodist service and the church was packed. It was the best decision I ever made in my entire life. Even though there have been times in our marriage when I thought we weren’t going to stay together, I still believe God brought us together. Life is hard and marriage takes work and determination and a lot of patience. God has kept us together. At this stage of our marriage, we are very content with each other. We still laugh everyday and most days we tell each other that we love each other. He still surprises me when he sneaks back into the house after he has been out. Today, it was sunny and warm just like the day we were married. (Ron had promised me our wedding day would be 60 degrees and sunny and it was.)

At our wedding we had the song, Evergreen, sung during the ceremony. Our love is still evergreen, just like it was then.

Why doesn’t this seem so long ago?

Category: Make Marriage Last

Marriage Ain’t Easy!

Posted on March 25, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

In case you haven’t noticed, most of our posts are about our family, Crystal, me, and our three girls. That’s partly because, of course we know more about our family than any other. It’s also because marriage and marriage issues are tough for many people to talk about. Marriage is a dynamic relationship with many moving parts. A cup is thrown in one direction followed by a frying pan in the other (kidding…I hope). But seriously, most people don’t want to talk about their marriage. Some will complain about their spouse, or one of their annoying habits, or something stupid their spouse did. You can’t get those people to stop talking about their marriage. Also, a lot of divorced people can’t talk enough about their ex. I never hold divorce against anyone though. Most divorcees that I know are very good people. However, they, maybe better than anyone, understand the theme of today’s discussion. Marriage ain’t easy.

I know there is a lot of information available about why marriages don’t work or why they fail. However, while Crystal and I will readily admit it’s not easy, not everything that’s worthwhile is easy. The purpose of this web site is to provide positive reinforcement for marriage and related topics. Crystal and I both agree that we are an increasingly scarce success story. Both sets of our parents were success stories (after marriages lasting more than fifty years). Trust me, that doesn’t mean their lives were easy.

Again, it’s easier to talk about our marriage. When I first married Crystal we went on an eight day honeymoon in Arizona. It was great! We both thought, wow this marriage thing is easy. Then we returned home, and life ensued. Jobs, schedules, family and friend’s expectations made us realize something. We weren’t as ready as we had thought. There was so much one or both of us had taken for granted. We were two different people: (I am a logical scientist practical type of person while Crystal is a creative, artistic and visual type of person). We went about things differently. We also discovered that we were both a little stubborn and didn’t like to lose a fight.

I was against going to counseling. After all, I had been alive and making “great decisions” for almost twenty-four years. Besides I was smart. Crystal just needed to stop being so stubborn. Besides, what could a total stranger tell me that I didn’t already know?

Early in our marriage Crystal called a Christian counselor and met with him by herself. After she told me some of the things the counselor said, I decided to go with her. After all I needed to tell my side of the story. I soon found out it wasn’t like that. I know many of you might find this hard to believe, but I/we actually learned a few things. We learned to take turns and actually listen to each other and consider the other person’s point of view. No profanity made sense. O.K., well I had never considered rules to conflict resolution. Yes, late night arguments never led to any good decisions and the following day was rough in my sleep deprived state.

The one rule that I think helped more than anything was so simple yet useful that we had never considered it. We didn’t have to agree on everything. If, after going through a reasonable effort to resolve our problem, we just couldn’t agree, we could agree to disagree. Instead of winning or loses on an issue, we could just agree to a compromise. Also the counselor had us take a test that led to a chart of who we were. My line on the chart was very different from Crystal’s line on the chart, but our two lines met at our values. Also, the counselor realized immediately that we loved and liked each other tremendously. He explained that our different talents, abilities and points of view complemented each other. We needed to use this to our advantage as a couple. This helped us very much to work as a team. I am more orderly, organized and logical while Crystal is more detail oriented, creative and optimistic. Together we are stronger in problem solving and getting things accomplished. It took a while (years) for us to truly understand and use this information.

O.K., all of that was marriage 101. Any couples who have been married for any period of time have either figured much of that stuff out or are doomed to failure (divorce, unhappy marriage, murder/suicide). You have to realize early that you are both, while individuals with individual needs, on the same team. The old expression, “there is no I in team”, definitely comes into play.

You just can’t keep score. (The apostle Paul said Love doesn’t keep a list of wrongs.) Marriage isn’t about winning and losing. If that is your belief, the best you can possibly expect is, forgive the pun, win the battle, but lose the war. Marriage is one of the rare and unnatural examples in life where the only two real outcomes are either win-win or lose-lose.

Life itself, married or single, provides enough challenges. The theory behind a good marriage is that two can handle it better than one. Unless you can find a way to work together toward common goals, the stresses of everyday life will inevitably pick you apart. We have used counselors, books, tapes, church programs, Bible study, and more opportunities to strengthen our marriage. We recommend using all the help you can get to keep your marriage balanced and happy. We also pray for help from God and we pray for each other. God has always been in the center of our marriage and, without Him, we don’t think our marriage would have survived all the challenges in life that came our way.

The good news is simply that, at least with us, some thirty-six years in, things do smooth out. God, who knows both of us very well, got it right, after all. What once drove us nuts, we can now, in many cases laugh about. There are still sore subjects. But we both see, with great clarity that we were meant to be together. Life has been easier, more fulfilling and meaningful because of our commitment.

So, bottom line, marriage ain’t easy. It’s work. But, if two people are well suited and determined enough, it can be really, really worth the effort.

Crystal and I on our honeymoon at the Grand Canyon. I know what you’re thinking. They haven’t changed a bit. O.K. maybe a bit.

Category: Make Marriage Last

The Mysterious Betty Crocker (Crystal’s Corner)

Posted on March 3, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

I don’t know about you, but for a long time I thought Betty Crocker was real person. I thought that every day she was beating up cookies, cakes, muffins or pies in her efficient kitchen wearing her red and white checked apron. I thought there was a whole bunch of little Crockers (with names like Billy, Barbara and Chip) who came home from school just as she was taking a tray of chocolate chip cookies or banana bread out of the warm oven. I thought Mr. Crocker came home from a hard day’s work to sit down to dinner with his family. Dinner would be served on real china plates with cloth napkins. A nutritious meal of some kind of Chicken Casserole, Jell-O, mashed potatoes, peas, rolls and maybe pie for dessert. I thought this for years – every time I looked in my Betty Crocker Jr. Cookbook and my mom’s more adult version with its bright red cover. We always turned to Betty Crocker for our holiday dinners, baking recipes and ideas for delicious dishes made with love.

When my mom told me that ‘Betty Crocker isn’t a real person’, I was devastated.

“Who said so?” I asked.

“My friend from the Homemakers group told me. It must have come out in a magazine,” Mom said.

It was like somebody died and left us their cookbooks. Actually, I didn’t believe it. Who was coming up with all those recipes? Mom said that the company has just used the fake homemaker to promote the cookbooks.

That couldn’t be true. I think some criminals had kidnapped Betty Crocker; maybe a competing cookbook company. They were holding her in their kitchen making her cook for them. She was probably negotiating her release – giving them a few recipes and some techniques and chocolate chip cookies. She has to go home to take care of the little Crockers. However, mom had never lied to me. I could tell that she was a little sad in telling me what she believed to be the truth. It was Santa Class and the Easter Bunny all over again.

However, this was the 1970’s. We grew up with Mod Squad and Columbo and TV shows that showed us how to investigate. Also, we knew not to believe everything you read or hear through the grapevine. So I went along with Mom’s story even though I didn’t believe it. I believe that someday the truth will come out; and we will find out what actually happened to Betty Crocker.

Meanwhile I still use her recipes. Of course, I’m an optimist. I still think I ran faster wearing my Red Ball Jet sneakers. And that’s another thing. What happened to the red balls that use to be on the heels of our shoes? Did someone steal them and all those shoes too? I can’t think about that now. I have to go look at Betty’s muffin recipes. The real question is –should I make Jell-O too …? You are right; Betty would make Jell-O.

OK, this is not Betty’s recipe. It is Ron’s cranapple crumb pie. He is real. I can prove it.

Category: Past, Present and Future

Dad is IRS Alive Again!

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

I was visiting dad yesterday when my cell phone rang. It was Crystal. She had just gotten off the phone with an aide to US representative Steve Stivers. He told her that the red tape which had dad listed as an IRS version of the walking dead had been broken. Jubilation was dad’s and my immediate reaction. The nine month ordeal had finally come to an end. Of course we are now left with the bittersweet knowledge that, now just like every other US taxpayer, the IRS will review his 2013 tax return (hopefully no mistakes).

As painful as the entire process has been, looking back, some good may have actually come of it. Representative Stivers’s aide also told Crystal that they would try to analyze the fault in the system and reduce the likelihood of similar occurrences in the future.

On a personal basis, dad and I have had a rare, but valuable opportunity to be a part of the ‘American way’. We have had his story carried in a free multimedia press on TV, radio, internet, and Newspaper. We especially want to thank Lori Katzman of the Columbus Dispatch and Terry Sullivan with ABC News 6. What started with a plea for sympathy and attention for a ninety-four year old WW2 veteran drew the attention of an entire political system. While it should never take such monumental effort to solve such a seemingly simple computer malady, it is nice to know that so many concerned Americans are ready to fight for what is right. Once the story aired, people came to us wanting to help. We have spoken with one of US Senator Sherrod Brown’s aides, US congressman Steve Stivers and his aide. Both have been very helpful. Social Security has offered what help they could. One suggestion, which might have worked, came from their PR representative. He said that if we applied for a new SS card for dad the IRS data base would be automatically updated. We have also received an apology from higher ups in the IRS tax advocates office. H and R Block even offered to help “for Free”.

Everything considered, we are just overjoyed to see this whole nightmare finally coming to an end. They say that comedy is just tragedy plus time. With a story like this, it won’t take too long. Also, while I’ve never been much of a public speaker and don’t care for bright lights, the hope that our efforts may help to fix the original problem makes it all worthwhile. I hope that, the next time I am forced to face a public speaking assignment, it will be for the benefit of our bestselling memoir. Crystal will be with me for that, and we are always better together.

Here is a video link to Our ABC interview.

http://www.abc6onyourside.com/news/features/top-stories/stories/94-Year-Old-Vet-Alive-and-Well-Except-in-Eyes-of-IRS-72205.shtml#.VMwvWmjF82Y

Dad at dinner in a seafood restaurant. Dad always loves seafood.

Category: Uncategorized

The Wedding Cliff

Posted on February 8, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

OK while a lot has happened with dad, as far as I know, nothing has yet been resolved with his much publicized taxes. Our lives are not on hold though. The main purpose of this blog is to promote our memoir and offer support to the institute of marriage. Let’s continue with this glimpse back to Crystal and my past.

The conditioning starts early with little girls. I know; I raised three of them. All of those nice fairy tales end happily but too early. The camera zooms into the castle. Beautiful flower arrangements dominate the room. You can almost smell them. The room is full of splendidly dressed guests. Then the camera zooms in to reveal the handsome smiling groom. Finally, as anticipation peaks, here comes the lovely bride all dressed in White (a symbol of her untarnished purity). The words “happily ever after” are spoken and the camera fades to the sky or a book, etc., etc.

Yes Virginia, this is a fairy tale. It’s not that I’m against weddings: it’s the happily ever after syndrome I can’t condone. All too often, there is this big buildup toward “the happiest day of your life”. However, reality soon rears its ugly head. It’s a lie. No matter how much time, effort, planning and money you and your spouse, his or her family put into its planning and execution, a wedding is just another day. The clock will strike midnight and life will continue, with nary a glass slipper in site.

I met Crystal in college, and one of the things which attracted me to her was that marriage wasn’t in her vocabulary. Well, to be more precise, marriage was in her vocabulary. She was practically a straight A English major. Many words, words I didn’t even know, were in her vocabulary. She just wasn’t in college to get her MRS degree. Trust me, many girls were looking for that perfect, make my life complete, “first” husband. Early in our relationship, she outlined her plan to graduate and then move to an artist colony in Oregon to become a famous writer. A husband never entered her plans.

It wasn’t love at first sight. We met at a party. She didn’t trust me. Sometime later, she was the seventh person I had asked to the semiformal dance. We both had a great time at the dance. However, even then things moved slowly. After she finally realized that God had different plans, and Oregon might have to wait, we got engaged (I had to ask her twice). We started talking about our future together. While she had few preconceived notions about the wedding, she started to save and would pay for it. While we would share in the planning, she would make most of the important decisions. It seemed fair to me. I was responsible for the honeymoon. We were both happy with the arrangement.

Then that one fateful phone call occurred. She was crying. I, like 99% of all men, can’t stand it when a woman cries. She couldn’t find any place to have our wedding reception on or around April 1^st (that’s right we are a couple of April fools). I told her not to worry, I would find a place. ‘Really?’ she said in disbelief. I assured her that she just needed to tell me what she wanted and how much she could spend. She stopped crying (thank God). I dedicated myself to the search. I talked to friends, visited restaurants and banquet halls, one after another. Finally I found one which seemed perfect. Crystal was thrilled.

To this day, our wedding is still the best one I have ever attended. That includes the reception. Part of the formula is, and has been ever since, we work well together. With the exception of our basic Christian values, Crystal and I aren’t the same type of person, not even close. However, we complement each other well. I am great at organizing, Crystal is extremely detail oriented. I may be writing the article this time, but I know that she will be around shortly to edit and fix my grammar, as needed.

So in short, yes we had our “happiest day”, but not really. Yes the day was great, but it’s not how I would evaluate our marriage. Before we ever got to the altar, we already had an idea that we worked well together. Over these last thirty-seven years since that day, we have had many ups and downs. But we have gone through them together. Our real strength was something we discovered while planning our wedding. We realized that, while neither of us is perfect, together we could overcome any of life’s challenges.

Crystal helping our oldest daughter Elizabeth with her dress. She looked a little like a princess…at least to me.

Category: About Marriage and Family

Dad Still Dead but No Longer Alone

Posted on January 26, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

Do you know how, when you hear a story about someone else’s suffering, that is so ridiculous, and you just have to laugh? Well the only problem with this story is that it is happening to us.

With another tax season in the lurch, we were at a bit of a loss in our battle with the IRS. Our Ohio tax advocate is hard at work, but we are still hitting the same brick walls we have for months. According to the IRS, my 94 years old WW2 veteran father is still listed as deceased. They still have no problem accepting his checks (signed by the dead man). It’s just his 2013 tax return that their system can’t tolerate. Recently, if this whole story isn’t strange enough, we received a query from another branch of the IRS, questioning why there is a credit balance of nearly $14,000 in dad’s account (his 2014 tax prepayment), when they are unable to find his 2013 tax return. Mmmm….that’s a stumper. Apparently, the IRS doesn’t even talk to themselves.

Well, recently, our efforts may have received a little boost. In what, in football terminology would be referred to as an “end run”. A few weeks ago, I contacted the Columbus Dispatch with some details of our ongoing quest. The very next day, I received a call from Lori Katzman, one of the paper’s reporters. To make a long story short, today, on January 24^th of 2015, the Columbus Dispatch featured the article beginning on the front page. The article called IRS says he’s dead-but wait! It is a wonderfully written article, complete with details of our struggle, and a wonderful picture taken during the interview.

The article already has captured some attention. Even before this morning’s addition came out, the story showed up online. Reporter Lori contacted me asking if it would be OK to share my E-mail address with US Senator Brown. Apparently Senator Brown might want to get involved. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.

In addition, on Thursday, Channel Six (ABC) in Columbus will be sending a reporter and cameraman to interview us. While personally, I have confidence that eventually the Ohio tax advocate service would resolve our situation; there is a larger issue here. Maybe a little light can be shown on an IRS system which appears convoluted and ineffective. We have sent probably half of a tree worth of paper to the IRS over the last eight months without acknowledgement. We visited their office and finally received acknowledgement that, indeed, my father lives. However, the agent was, try as he might, unable to correct the computer problem. This process has been both aggravating and consumptive of both time and energy. Over the course of our struggles, I have come across at least two other loyal Americans with similar stories. This is a systemic problem which needs to be corrected.

While I fully realize that the current IRS staff has been reduced for budgetary reasons, it just makes sense that you can’t effectively reduce resources without proper systems in place.

Stick with us. Our web site is dedicated not only to the inevitable publication of our memoir, but to completing the stories of the three subject couples therein. Therefore, we will update this story as new developments occur.

This is from last winter, but trust me, he is still Alive.

Category: Uncategorized

Happy New Year 2015: Crystal’s Corner

Posted on January 21, 2015 by Ron • 0 comment

Why do we set off fireworks on New Year’s Eve and the 4^th of July? On the 4^{th of} July, we celebrate our freedom because of the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776. On New Year’s Eve, we celebrate the old year and the beginning of the new year. I think this is about hope. We also have fun on both of these occasions. On the 4^th we go to parades, picnics, and family gatherings. We go swimming, boating, play baseball and barbecue. We might even dance as the sun goes down. Then we watch fireworks in awe. On New Year’s Eve we attend parties, with all kinds of appetizers, goodies, drink Champagne and make toasts. We wish each other good luck, kiss at midnight and sing Auld Lang Syne– a song we don’t understand but we sing it anyway. In the warmest time of the summer and the coldest time in the winter, we celebrate. We stop our lives for a time and are happy and hopeful and I hope grateful. I am grateful for what I have and who I have in my life. I am happy that there is something to celebrate and honor and cherish as I do my family, my friends and my faith.

As you make your new year’s resolutions this year, take a minute to be grateful for last year. It wasn’t the best for me health wise, but we worked on our memoir, I wrote the proposal and we sent out query letters and sample chapters. We also wrote many blog posts and got more involved with Facebook. I read many memoirs and have more on my Kindle to read. We attended the Buckeye Book Fair. My writers group has a great workshop and I gave a presentation on the many ways to get published. I presented my Harriet Beecher Stowe program and it was very well received.

This year we are going to continue to look for an agent/publisher and send out articles, essays, fiction, etc. We also celebrated holidays, birthdays and more occasions with our family, visited my Dad and Larry and Linda in Cincinnati, explored some new places with Ron’s father including book stores, quilt shops and restaurants. In many ways, it was a good year and this year will be even better. (I am the optimist in our family.) We hope you have a good year also.

I do write New Year Resolutions, but to me it more like organizing and being more specific about what I want to accomplish this year. I have a planner and I also keep a journal so I will have a record of my progress. I think the key to keeping resolutions is to be very specific about what you want to do and not generalize. But many people generalize and accomplish their goals. Writing something down on paper is a good start to begin any project or objective. I hope to write memoir reviews in this blog this year. I have read many of them so it won’t be hard. There are some very great ones out there.

Ron’s Corner:

I have to apologize to Crystal for not getting this in to our Blog earlier. She will forgive me. She always does. That is one of the things I am thankful for in the New Year and always.

As for her topic, the key to the resolution is to be as the root word resolute. Pledging, or promising, or writing something down isn’t enough. As in anything in life, the key to achieving is persistence. How many of you have already forgotten what you pledged at midnight after those glasses of Champaign. Be Honest. Crystal’s idea of writing it down only works if you put it somewhere where you can see it, and apply it every day . What was my New Year’s Resolution, and how am I doing with it, you might ask. To be honest, I stopped that practice years ago, when I failed to keep one or two. You know the old saying; those who can do. Those who can’t teach!

Have a Great Year!

These fireworks were fro the 4th of July, a couple of years ago, at the Coshocton County Fairgrounds

Category: Holidays