Marriage Memoir by Ron and Crystal Meinstein

            It’s hard to believe, it’s almost April. As you know, if you have been reading previous blogs, Crystal and I are a couple of April Fools (married April 1^st). This year it will be forty-five years. My mother had a German saying, which meant ‘even sows don’t live that long’. I’m not sure what her experience was with pigs, but she did tend goats and her brother raised rabbits…soooo. She had a lot of old German sayings, which made no sense to me. But point taken, it is a long time.

            They say time is relative. I get it now. I still remember reading George Orwell’s “1984” in grade school and thinking, ‘Wow, that’s like way in the future’. Now I’m like, ‘wow that’s way long ago’. And who could have guessed “Big Brother” would be an actor (Ronny Reagan was president in 84).

            I also remember when my parents celebrated their 25^th anniversary. I would have been 18. Again, I thought wow, really long time with one person. I actually gave a toast at my parents at their 50^th Anniversary party. By that time Crystal and I would have been married 19 years. Still, I wondered if we would ever make such a lofty milestone. Now 50 seems right around the corner, God willing.

            But getting back to time, no one can predict the future. At least that’s what I used to think. I grew up as a big science fiction buff. So many things which seemed far in the future have already come to pass. Just take Star Trek as an example. Did you know that, originally when the doors in the enterprise opened and shut, it was because two men, one on each door pushed or pulled them. I sometimes think of that as I enter Walmart. Also, I now talk to my computer, and it talks back. It’s faster than the one on the Enterprise, and doesn’t feel the need to tell me it’s working. And Captain Kirk had to use a flip phone. What a dork. And he had to call the ship to use the computer. My phone is a computer.

            Now the beam me up, I’m sure their working on that. I can see it now; I’ll have finished shopping at the moon’s Super-Duper Walmart. I’ll call home. Beam me home Crystal. Of course, we probably fought before I left, and she would refuse. Then I will have to wait, with all the other husbands whose wives mooned them. It will mean something different by then. I’m sure the next space Uber will be along soon.

            Enough of that. The point is 45 years is a long time, and at the same time not so long. I totally get the saying, ‘the days go slowly but the years seem to fly by’. For so many years, we’ve done the heavy lifting. At least a dozen jobs, numerous impossible situations survived, a lot of joy, three daughters and eight grandchildren later, we are still here.

            But that’s not enough. After 45 years there must be some kind of lesson or wisdom I can pass on. Wisdom? Me? I know! Most of the time, going through it, I hadn’t a clue. But I’ll give it a try. Here are some rules for a long marriage. Disclaimer: Mostly learned by trial and Error

• I know that there are some things about Crystal I wish I could change. For example, she is creative (not the problem) and keeps a lot of stuff, saying someday I will use that. I’m more of a minimalist. However, there are more reasons I love her as much as ever. Crystal is the most, almost blindly, supportive person I know. She is, and always has been, my soft place to fall. Always try to focus on the good.
• No matter what was going on; this is where the sickness, health, poorer, etc. comes in, we made time for us. Throughout our marriage dating and planning together were a constant. Never stop making your marriage a priority.
• I don’t think it’s possible for two people to live together for a long period of time without fighting about something. Fights can drive even good people apart. However, being able to resolve differences builds a stronger relationship. The goal is to be partners, not adversaries. Learn how to fight fair and get help as needed.
• At our wedding someone read a quote about two great oak trees not being able to grow in each other’s shadow. In other words, in marriage there is no number one or number two. Always be supportive of your partner in achieving their dreams.
• Finally, always try to remember why you married in the first place. Normally, if your marriage has any chance, that answer is love. The Bible tells us how to love better than I can. In truth, I admit to having a few misses on this. But I believe these Bible instructions are about direction, not perfection.  1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

As Crystal and I await further instructions from God, we will do our best keep the love going. Please try to do the same in your lives. Blessings!