What Were You Thinking Girl?

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              Being the father of three young women, a husband, and a male nurse, I have heard it all. When it comes to why young women make the choices they do with men, I still don’t totally get it. I have seen it in my family, in nursing school, and just in life in general. Women are driven by factors other than logic when it comes to finding a mate. I’m not saying its just women; men make equally bad choices. My advice will cover both sexes. I just have heard more, especially in nursing school, about the female’s point of view. I can’t tell you how many young women openly admitted about the bad choices and not understanding why they were so blind. Hind sight is great, if you learn from it. There is no denying the presence of a biological clock. However, life choices have to be made with more than short term thinking or feelings. Again Crystal is my best example. She had no intention of finding her mate in college. When we met she was very analytical about me. She studied my relationships. She talked to others about me, including ex-girlfriends. As I have already shared, she even analyzed my hand writing. I think the main thing she did right was that she never saw me as her last option. She always had plan B. She was working on becoming the best version of herself. Her plan included education, career, and once settled, family. I messed with her plan. All too often, for women, the guy is the plan. I can’t tell you how many young women I talked to in nursing school, who admitted to surviving their “bad” choices, only to now be focusing on their own goals. Often these were single mothers. Remember ladies, making the wrong choice can cost you more than it will the guy.

            So my advice is simple and covers both sexes. Work on becoming a complete person. That needs to be your goal before you enter into a relationship or look for ‘the one’. Have goals in life that have nothing to do with another person, and then work toward them. This includes but is not solely determined by what you want to accomplish with your life. Set goals to optimize your physical, mental and spiritual health. Before I met Crystal, she had a very specific goal of going to Oregon and working in her chosen field, writing. She was independent and completely capable of taking care of herself. I think that is one thing that I was looking for. You should too, in a spouse, and in yourself. I told my girls that, ideally they should live on their own for a while before marriage, and make sure their guy has done the same. Unless both of you can take care of yourselves, your relationship could become codependent and dysfunctional.

            So live, love, laugh and enjoy where you are at. Remember that, in the long run, no relationship will make you happy if you’re not happy with yourself.


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Category: Suitable Mate

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