Just Because You’re Married Doesn’t Mean You Should Stop Dating

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              Of course I mean date your spouse. Before you are married you date to get to know someone, have some fun, and take a break from the stresses of every day life. Once you are married, you need the same things. Of course, with any luck you already know your spouse. But that can change. Something which isn’t discussed or widely known is that, we continue to change throughout our lives. Our goals, likes and dislikes, our lifestyles, strengths and abilities continue to change as we age. Crystal recently started watching these seemingly endless court cases on TV. I am much more into golf than I used to be. We are adjusting to having grown up kids.

            Change is inevitable. The trick is to continue to communicate. Take time to be together in a lower stress environment; time dedicated to your relationship (staying on the same page). Also, when possible, plan time just dedicated to fun activities. I am convinced part of the divorce problem, in today’s fast passed world, is that couples lose touch over time.

            A date doesn’t have to be some grand romantic gesture, just time together to talk or pursue some common interest. When I was working a lot of hours, Crystal and I would just go out to the “Coffee Cup” (local no frills restaurant) for breakfast a couple times a week. When we didn’t have much money, we would make a date out of a picnic at the park and maybe a trip to the library.  These days it’s usually a more standard dinner and a movie. We also plan an overnight, two to three time a years, just to get away.

            My dad recently took us to Florida for a vacation. He was anxious to show us some of the places he and mom used to visit on their almost annual trips. We met some relatives who were new to both Crystal and me. We did a lot of sight seeing and ate more fish than I have probably eaten in the last year. Crystal and I also took some time to be alone. One day we went for a nice bike ride by the Ocean. On another day we walked through the Botanical Gardens and then to a Greek restaurant for lunch. Dad was fine with us going. After being married to my mom for sixty-four years, he would be the first to tell you to take and enjoy your time together.


            So learn from our example. Grow together and not apart. Stay on the same page. Take time to date your spouse and remember all of the neat things about them. Encourage their growth and let them encourage yours. And don’t forget to have some fun!


And stand together, yet not too
near together.  For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other’s shadow.

from Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet

Category: Make Marriage Last

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