IRS says dad is dead!

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Siegfried Meinstein is a WW2 veteran. There aren’t many of those left. Of particular note he served in Counter Intelligence. Our book “150Years of Marriage” has many details of his service. However now at the age of 94, rather than being celebrated for his contributions he is being harassed by our government.

On a totally unrelated topic while we wait to hear from a publisher about our memoir, I have decided to try my hand at a new genre of literature. Please enjoy the following attempt at a fable.

The Merry Land of Usa

Once upon a time in a land, not so far away was the kingdom of Usa. While overall Usa was a wonderful place, all of the subjects lived in constant fear of the omnipotent King Irs. Over the years, King Irs had become somewhat of a recluse. While his edicts and proclamations were numerous and burdensome on his subjects, he was only accessible to a handful of his closest advisors. If pressed, even they talked as if he had become an oversized specter. Indeed he was believed to be more a work of smoke and mirrors than human.

One loyal subject of the kingdom was a lowly vintner named Sigmond. Now suffering of advanced age, Sigmond had once been a mighty warrior. He fought bravely for Usa in the German Wars against the cruel King Hitelar. Of course by the time of this story all that had been long forgotten.

In the Kingdom of Usa every subject was required to pay the king’s annual tax in order to pay for castle and grounds (Purina Gator Chow for the moat, etc.) maintenance. The tax was to be accompanied by a record of the year’s production. This year, just as all which had preceded, Sigmond diligently sent his production record along with the required number of bottles of wine. However, this year was to be different. While the wine was quickly accepted by the kings Hench men, his production record was rejected. A simple note from the office of King Irs explained that the report had been rejected because Sigmond had been reported deceased by Sociacrates Securitus, advisor to the king. Only if Sir Sigmond could jump through five hoops and Sociacrates reported his vitality on the king’s special parchment stationary could Sigmond be once again declared alive and his production record accepted. At this point, Sigmond, with a recently broken hip and all too old for hoop jumping enlisted the help of his son Ronaldo. As Ronaldo was a quick witted court jester, he first thought no problem. He could hoop jump with the best of them. He and Sir Sigmond immediately sought an audience with SS (Sociacrates Securitus). SS while most gracious, adamantly denied ever issuing such a report of Sigmond’s demise. He could therefore not issue the kings special stationary order. Even as a special advisor, try as he might, SS could not communicate directly with the king. He did however scribe a note for Sigmond and Ronaldo to send to the king. Ronaldo then proceeded to jump the hoops and all was sent to the king. Not a fortnight had passed when once again Sigmond again received another note from the office of the king. It was identical in all ways to the first, save the date.

Even while knowing the definition of insanity, Sir Sigmond and Ronaldo again visited SS. At this time they received a second and more emphatic note. Ronado then proceeded to repeat the hoop jumping. He then scribed a note of his own detailing Sir Sigmond and his efforts, along with the two SS notes. Another fortnight passed and another identical letter was received.

This was unacceptable. Sigmond and Ronaldo were determined. They would go on a quest to the king’s local tax collector. Surely he could discern Sir Sigmond was still with breath and end this madness. Ronaldo assisted the hobbled Sigmond into the tax collector’s den in Columbus of Ohio. After a few pokes and a prod or two of Sir Sigmond the tax collector had to admit that “ reports of his death had been greatly exaggerated” (Mark Twain). He stamped the production report as accepted and proceeded to battle the extremely convoluted scribe and proclamation system set up by King Irs. After the passing of two quarter hours he proclaimed the mistake, ‘most likely corrected’.

Another fortnight and guess what. You guessed it. Now Sir Sigmond was beside himself and correctly noted that if this were to continue much longer, eventually the report would be correct. Ronaldo also was totally distraught. It is at that that time that Ronaldo’s faithful wife, Lady Crystal, discovered a Knight who might help, right in the king’s castle. Sir Advocate of Ohio was known to help in such situations. Ronaldo’s strength was renewed. He scribed as he had never scribed before. His report contained details of all his and Sir Sigmonds trials, hoop jumpings, the production report stamped accepted in Columbus of Ohio and letters from SS. To his amazement his efforts are almost immediately answered. However, the advocate wanted to talk with Sir Sigmond. This communication is futile since Sir Sigmond’s ear cone was not large enough. While they could speak with Ronaldo they could not do so without another of the king’s forms signed by Sir Sigmond.

It is at this point that Ronaldo realized the forces at work here were dark and hopelessly convoluted. He verbalized, so let me see if I understand you correctly. You insist that Sir Sigmond is dead, but not so dead that he can’t give me permission to speak on his behalf. When confronted with this final absurdity the frustrated Ronaldo spoke for all to hear “to heck with this, I am going to scribe in my blog”.

When news of this act of rebellion reached King Irs, from all about the kingdom through the intercastlenet, he was outraged. He grabbed the nearest scribe who was made to quill the following declamation. Hear Ye Hear Ye By order of King Irs, Death will no longer be accepted as excuse for failure to pay the annual tax.

News of this decree traveled far and wide. Soon the news reached the neighboring kingdom of Marx. Upon hearing the news, good King Groucho decided to take up a new tax of his own. He was heard to say “You‘ve got to take up the tacks (tax) before you can take up the carpet.”

And they all lived happily ever after or did they? Da Da Daaaa!

SC trip 2014 030

This is dad during our trip to South Carolina last spring. He looks pretty good for a dead guy.

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