Assess Character

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Well it’s time to move on. Writers House is obviously not interested in our memoir. Crystal and I have both been researching literary agents and are developing a list. Crystal just sent a query letter to an agent whom she read about and really likes. One day and one step at a time is the only way to proceed.

By the way, that is not unlike the approach you need to take in finding the right spouse. If I asked you, what is the most important thing you look for in a potential spouse, what would you say? In my opinion the answer should be good character. That includes a lot; honesty, integrity, solid, stable, independent, hard working, and good moral values. Determining this can be tricky, as are many people these days. One thing which makes character assessment difficult is your own feelings. You’ve heard the expression, “love is blind”. Well it usually is. Often when emotions are involved we lose our ability to be objective. But if we want our marriage to last, objective is exactly what we have to be.

When Crystal first met me she did some smart things. She took advantage of the girl network. She talked to other girls about me. This even included other girls I had dated. She got consistent reports. I was a nice guy and safe. Later she enjoyed hearing stories about me from some of my friends. Friends and family are often willing to share things you wouldn’t. She noticed that I treated other people in and outside of my life with respect. She saw that I could take care of myself and was responsible. She even took one additional step when she was getting serious about me. She took one of the reports I wrote to the library and analyzed my handwriting. Normally I would say that’s a little excessive and I’m not sure how exact that science is. However, when she told me, I must admit to being a little impressed. It told me something about her. She is thorough. Besides, she said I passed, although my penmanship left much to be desired.

Now Crystal had an advantage in that, when she met me, she wasn’t even thinking about marriage. Really, I think that is a key. Too many times, people just want to be married. Don’t be too anxious. Try to enjoy the process, and don’t just settle. Also don’t make the common mistake (especially prevalent in young women). Don’t think you will change someone once you are married. Always assume what you see is what you get. If there are red flags, don’t just dismiss them. It is much worse to be in a bad marriage, than to break up with someone you don’t thoroughly trust or who can’t give you what you need.

Crystal and I have been married for thirty four years and still love each other. It hasn’t always been easy. For us, though it has been worth it. We aren’t experts and only want to give our two cents worth to help in a resurgence of this great institution (marriage). Have a great day!

Crystal’s corner:
The main reason I tested Ron’s handwriting was because I had heard so many good things about him. I had also observed his good character when I was with him. I think I was afraid he was too good to be true. I already knew that his handwriting would come out fine. God had led me to him. I trusted God completely. But it was very reassuring that science backed up God this time. His handwriting analysis showed that he was honest and had integrity. So true.

Category: Suitable Mate

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